marcus`s GIRL

2007-09-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

Re-opened my blog, because i`ve got so much things i wanna say, and i dunno who to turn to.

Things btwn me & marcus has taken such a bad turn.. a turn i never expected would come. Perhaps its retribution, for the way i treat him while he was patiently waiting for me.. Sighh..

Baby,
I guess this would be the last time you`ll see me calling you baby. I really nvr expected things btwn us to be like this. In the past, i forsee us tgt happily. Nvr did i know tht this would happen.. Its been 5 days since you`ve last contacted me.. and i really miss you so damn much. Now i understand why they say ' Absence makes the heart grow fonder '. In the past, while you were always with me, i took you for granted, thinking that you`ll never leave me if you loved me as much as you claimed you did. I know you think that i do not love you, but i actually do. Its just that i feel so so insecured with you, i`ve got no trust in you, how you expect me to give you another chance? You`ve cheated on me once, bastard me twice, i forgave u readily and thats so much my heart can take.. And now i`ve got to take this 3rd blow from you ? I really miss the time when we were in bus 14, and u hugged me so tightly.. and planted so many kisses on me, you really made me feel so loved. Never did i know that this scene would be the last scene of you & me, so lovely tgt. As i walk past the bus stop at orchard road, i rmb the time while we were waiting for the bus, i took your pen and drew 2 patrick the star on your hand, while you drew one devilish ugly patrick on my hand. You may think that that drawing of yours did not mean much to me, but i kept tracing it over and over agn when it was gonna disappear. It was only till one day, you made me angry that i rubbed it all off. I really miss you so much, wad about you ? Sigh.. Baby, if i ask you to come back.. will you ? Or is this really really the end ?

I really cant take this pain anymore.. anybody wanna give me abit of their love ? Hais..

And on another note,
YOU ! Stop living in your wonderland land and wake up your idea. Whoreeee ! ;D Stop thinking you`re oh-so-pretty because none of us think so. Teehee..

I need to study.. anyone care to be my source of motivation ? :D

I need to be bulimic, anorexic.. But no, i cant. Cos i cant reject oh-so-lovely food.
I need some source of thinspiration ;)

Till then.. Anyone missed me ?

I had a bad hair day tht day. Rofl..

2007-07-12T07:14:00.001-07:00

Sammie is oh-so-tired. Well, school has been a bitch lately thanks to GANbound. Nabeiii ! She punished me & a grp of friends just because we did not come to school for HER lesson during the holidays. And now, i`ve got to stay back in sch everyday till 5.30pm. Fuck siol !

Anyways, went out with marcus yesterday. Watched ' transformers'. I dont know why people would say that show is good because i found it extremely boring except for certain parts. I was practically falling asleep, INFACT, i did fall asleep.. and i even drooled onto marcus`s arms because he was hugging me. Laughs.. Before the movie, we shared a plate of pasta, so lo-man-ti-ka right? Teeheeeeee. Walked ard Plaza singapure before heading back to cathy for our movie. After the movie, i was so tired and my mood started to swing like mad.. poor marcus had to endure with the tantrums i was throwing at him. Sorry baby, i know you`ll forgive me right? :D Hehs. Headed back home by cab after the movie. Upon reaching home, i washed up and K-Oed. Had a very nice and sweet slp being hugged by marcus , i miss that kinda sense of security.. Sighh..

Anyhoos, marcus bb, im really glad you`ve found yourself a job. :) You said i will be the first girl you`re gonna cook for right? You also said you wanna earn many many money and come back to yang me hohs? Hehe. Im waiting for that day bb. That day i can officially hold you in my embrace and tell the whole world again that you are mine. :) Hehe. Work hard okay boy? Love love !

Aites, Gonna upload pictures. . . but, its all my pictures only. Laughs :D

This is what you get from me when im super bored in class. Laughs. Terrible terrible eyerings and eyebags ! Dont ask me why my hair pin up until like that.. Fucking teachers wants my hair to be like that because they wanna ensure i`ve closed my eyebrow piercing. Rofl.. And if you`re wandering whats that on my head in the 2nd pic, its some thing indians put on their head. Was fooling ard luh, and apparently, i played till i took off my uniform. Hurhurs. Hmms, dun comment me on how diff i look with and without make up. I wun be bothered :D

Rebekah`s piece of artwork on my hair. Hahs. Stop looking at my sportsbra uh ! Hahaha. And the reason why my bra can be seen is because my uniform is super big :D Laughs..

Sammilicious ! :D Teeheeeeeeee. I know i know. Big differance, yada yada yada...

Last but not least, my big ass face with marcus`s emo dragon`s body. Laughs. Posted this up because he said he liked it. Hehs.

Aites, im out. Gonna hit the bed. So tiredddd :(

Humpfff !

PS. People, pls try to stay as far away from me as possible because im currently suffering from some violence diseases whereby i`ll just give you a hard punch outta nowhere ;p

2007-07-07T04:13:00.000-07:00

Im bored. Oh-so-bored ! :( Maybe one thing about having a bf is that he can accompany you when no one else is available. Laughs.. Stacy is out with anas, siewhwee baby is out with desmond. And me? Stuck at home ! Ughh !

Anyways, was surfing thru the internet just now, and i think emo boys are cute thou they are not my type :D Lemme show you some picture :D Laughs..

Ahh, i like these 3 ! Super hot & cute ! Agree agree? Laughs, i think im going to melt ! :D

Rofl, anyways, i aint sure if they are under the catogery 'Emo', but i searched on yahoo and that`s wad i got. laughs :D Sorry uh, that`s what you get when im super bored ;x

Me & Stacy

Me & apple pie. The reason behind the big smiley face is basically a simple reason of me looking like fuck. Laughs :D

Alright, im still bored ! (-___-") A bored sammie is not a very happy sammie ! Humpf

Gonna go find something else to do now. Byeee

2007-07-05T07:12:00.000-07:00

Teehee, i know that even if i blog now, no one would be reading it because i havent blogged for2893627 years and i guess i`ve lost my readers. Laughs ! :D Im super lazy this few days and thus, lazy sammie = life full of eating & sleeping minus blogging.

Hmms, let me try to recap the past weeks. On monday which was a youth day holiday, headed out to town with god-bro marcus. Not ex-bf marcus. They are 2 totally different pple luh. Lols.. I`ve gotta say that he is really a good brother and treats me exactly like his little sister. Laughs. Headed to plaza singapura to catch the movie 'Surfs` up'. The show wasnt exactly how i wanted it to be but overall, it was alright luh. I give if 2.5 outta 5 popcorns :D Before the movie started, he brought me to the arcade, and spent 20bucks if im not wrong, trying to catch me 'Marie tha cat'. After many failed attempts, i told him it was alright because if he is gonna continue, he can say sayonara to all his money. Rofl.. So we headed to 'Gelare' to get a drink before catching the movie. After the movie, he headed home as he had to head back to camp and i went to meet stacy. Went to bugis to walk walk and stacy went to get her stuffs, trained home and i was oh-so-fucking tired :D Teeheeeeeeee.

Tuesday- Wednesday was boring school. School can totally make me so worn-out that i`ll always sleep like a dead lobster upon reaching home. However, yesterday, after school, i , being a nice girl, bought lunch for apple pie and delivered it to him. Slacked ard in his house for awhile before heading to compasspoint to meet stacy and yazid. Slacked agn at compasspoint before heading back home. Was supposed to meet jiahao but he couldnt make it at the last minute. Oh wells, lucky he couldnt make it because i was so tired my eyelids were practically drooping down and begging to shut. Teeheeeeee..

Hahs, was looking thru my photobucket albums, and i`ve realised how much one can change. Laughs, let me show you people some pictures. But yea, dun get a shock ;x

Ehemm..

After, BIG BIG differance. Laughs..

Laughs.. Huge differance eh?

Okay, Now.. presenting the worst, DONT LAUGH UH !!
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I SAID NO LAUGHING ! HAHAHAHAHAHA ! Rofl. Omgwtf ! I cant believe i looked like this before. Laughs !

Hahaha. Alright, you pple can laugh till your asses shoot off. :D

Maybe you`ll say, aiya, tht one no make up, of cos big diff luh, but look at this, no make up too.

No make up, no make up, no make up ! Laughs.. The differance is there aint it?

Teehee, Aites, imma head to shower now. Im still in my school`s physical attire and i took my nap in this attire. Hahs. Cant blame, i was super tired ;x

Sayo pple :D

2007-06-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

Woohoo, finally i am willing to blog :D Well well, its not that im lazy but its just that im too busy having fun :DD Sighh, the holidays are gonna end and im oh-so-sad cos i cant play anymore :( Humpff !

Owells, i`m still alive and kicking, sad news to those losers that want me dead and good news to those that love me ! Teeheee :D

During the holidays, many things have happened, and i`ve went around singapore to play too. Laughs.. Went to sentosa with xiao clan on friday. We didnt even sleep at all. Met at 9.30am in the morning, headed for breakfast and afterwhich to sentosa. Played luge and the damn thing that brought us up, was so damn scary. Im afraid of heights luh.. and damn stacy had to keep shaking the thing and ask me to look down (-___-") Bully luhh ! :(

After the luge, we headed to watch some 4D show. Super expensive but damn nice luh :) Teehee. After playing and all, we headed to vivocity. Played pool and arcade for awhile before going to eat. After eating, we all headed home as all bth alrdy. Lols.. Reached home at 6plus and i fell asleep at 6 plus :D Teehee. I replaced 24hrs lack of slp back with 24hrs of sleep :DD

Headed to town with stacy. Bought a shirt from ZARA. Im a happy girl :D Lols. I bought that shirt to irritate marcus. Lols.

Talking about marcus, im really happy the way things are btwn us now. Went drinking with xiao clan on tuesday. Got drunk and i went to find marcus. He took care of me till i was sober. Somethings happened which i aint gonna mention here but lets just say i went home with a super big smile on my face aye? :DD Teehee..

School is gonna start soon. Looking forward to seeing all my friends again but boo to the early mornings, homework, boo to the teachers, boo to everything in school except my precious friends :D Hehe..

Okay, gonna upload some pictures but not all because im oh-so-lazy now. ;D

Me & Cute marcus :D
Btw, i wasnt drunk when i took that picture (-___-")

Cute lil boy sleeping on my lap. Been long since he did that. Sigh.. Lotsa memories luh ! Really touched he stayed on to take care of me even though he was damn tired :)

Me & Xiao Clan ! Love them loads :DD

Road idiots :D Sorry i know i fat. Lols ;p

My balls kah-lau on the floor. Damn high ! Hahaha

Desmond gay. Guy also want kiss ;D Lols

SHOE HOUSE ! Yay :D

Stacy & Me ! Sorry uh, bad hair day ! :D Lols

Me me & me ! Teehee :D

Aites, im done ! Byeeeee ;p

2007-06-12T01:43:00.000-07:00

Gonna do a quick update before i head to the showers. Gotta go to town to meet up with stacy, xuebs and calista. Siewhwee is gonna come to my place at 6 and i`ve gotta be ready by then.. We`re gonna go frolic@MOS tonight. Teeheee...

Anyways, on saturday, went all the way to clementi to meet shijun. Headed to partyworld with him & his friends. At first there were 5 people, and slowly, so many many people came (-___-") Didnt sing because i didnt wanna break the glass ! Hahaha. After singing, headed to macdonalds to eat. Didnt eat because i ate that the day before and afterwhich, shijun & i headed to his friend`s house. Ton over at his friend`s place till morning before heading home. The train ride back was horrible. Damnnn far, i almost died on the train because i was oh-so-fucking tired. And being hyper-active, i hate sitting on long train/bus rides. Lols.

On sunday, i went to town with stacy in the evening. Bought her marilyn manson`s CD and we headed to takashimaya because i wanted to eat ice cream. Havent eaten ice cream in 7812352164 years ! But eat halfway, feel like vomitting ! Lols.. After eating the ice cream, we headed to far east to walk 2 rds because we had nth to do. Headed to aljunied after that to meet siewhwee &desmond. Whilst waiting for them, one group of malay guys came over to take our numbers (-___-") Like bodoh seh. Hahs.. Headed to geylang after that, ate soyabean plus fried dough stick. I geh kiang, ordered dont know what fried toasted bun with you tiao. And in the end, i only ate the you tiao. Hahah. After eating, we headed to the prositutes area to look at prositutes. There were 3 old men walking behind stacy, siewhwee and me and they went ' San jie meiiiii ', like wtf ?! Which part of us look like prositutes? Goshh. And while we were standing outside 7-11, this old man kept staring at me, scared me, and i went to hide behind siewhwee. Hahah. After walking 10 thousand rds ard geylang, sat cab back to lao di fang. Went to 684 to slack till about 3 plus and i headed home. Shijun called me and we talked to ard 8plus am. Slept at 9am, woke up at 4 plus, and rotted my big ass at home the whole day ytd because i didnt go out. Teehee :D

Aites, pictures :D

Stacy ( My slacking khaki ) & me ! Teeheee. She is a moron. She like to dance infront of me to disturb me ! Haha..

Siewhwee & Me ! :D

Me me & me ! Whilst stacy was shitting in the toliet ! HAHAHA ;x

The image of you still lingers in my mind, i miss you so much, can you feel what i`m feeling right now? Where`d you go? I miss you so...

2007-06-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

Gonna do a quick update cos im really sleepy. Hahs. Went cycling again today with my xiao clan and this time, we went further. Went all the way to pasir ris. Almost died ! Hahs. Fell down on the road, and i almost got hit by a motorbike, luckily i leg fast hand fast =D Lols.. But on the other hand, i wish i did get knocked over, so i`ll get to see who really cares for me. ;x Booya !

Went tampiness first because i had to wash my wound, ate because i was feeling dizzy due to starving myself. After filling our stomachs and stuff, headed to pasir ris to find stacy`s friend. Talked awhile and we headed back to srgn to drop off the bikes. Cabbed home, bathe and stuff and now here i am blogging :D

Might be heading to geylang to eat tmrw, but thats if we wake up early. Not very sure bout the plan yet. Hahs. Next mission of cycling would be to lower pierce reservoir or maybe macritchie. Not very sure ! Teehee..

Anyways, no pictures of me today, but pictures of my poor leg ! Abit only, but its darn fucking pain and everyone knows sammie is afraid of pain ! :( Boo !

My 'beautiful' fat legs ! Hahaha

Ohh, i found a photo of myself !

TADAH ! Haha. @ stacy`s place waiting for xiao des & xiao hwee ! Haha. Slow pokes ;x

Aites, im done blogging.
Sayonara, adios, ciao, tata, zai jian, bye ! :D

2007-06-07T02:40:00.000-07:00

My lip piercing is tearing thru my lips & its super pain ! Wanted to replace the lip ring with a lip stud but the ball bearing of the lip ring cannot be removed ! My lips are swollen like sausages and its darn ugly ! The swelling is also causing my lip to crack, and i keep peeling off the skin, adding salt to the wound sia (-___-") Stupid lips, better heal soon ! ;x

Went to Kbox @ Cineleisure with rebekah, sulynn and siewhwee. Sang from 3pm - 8 pm. Afterwhich, all of us headed different ways. Went with hwee to meet desmond and we went to eat dinner at takashimaya. Waste my money sia -.- Lols.. After eating, we walked to far east because hwee wanna find her fren. Waited for her friend to finish work & we accompanied her friend all the way to cineleisure and afterwhich we headed back to hwee`s place to wait for her to bathe and we headed to stacy`s place after that to watch DVDs. Slacked there till 7am before heading back home. Was dead beat.. after bathing, i headed to bed and hibernated till 4 plus. And now, im still damn tired ! ;(

Anyways, pictures :D I`ve always got pictures ! Teeheeee..

Me, siewhwee & a small ah lian named lynn ! :D

Siewhwee baby & Me ! :D

I really miss your hair in my face

2007-06-05T03:28:00.000-07:00

My body is breaking ! Went cycling with my xiao clan ytd after sleeping for only a mere 3 hrs ! Cycled from hougang to east coast park. Cycled to bedok jetty and than all the way back to hougang again. Slacked at hougang for awhile before cycling back to serangoon to drop off the bicycles at stacy`s house. Couldnt walk after getting off the bicycle, my legs were like jelly (-__-") And my slippers broke.. so sad.. =( Sighh..

Maybe some of you people might be thinking, 'Aiya, so little bit only so much complaints'.. But try cycling with only 3 hrs of slp, and you`ll get how i feel. =D Hee..

Might be going to 'kbox' or 'the one' tmrw, but have to see how it goes cause im fucking short of cash. Any kind souls wanna donate to the 'Sammie-Needs-Money' fund ? Teehee

Pictures :D

Me with rebekah and beatrice after literature lecture ! :D Look at my eye bags, obvious sign of me lacking of sleep !

Cam-whoring in the toliet ! First and second picture, i look so damn shag ! ;x

Desmond being an irritant, 'Mr Mosquito' (-___-")

Haha, i look like the maple bandit. Is it called that? Not sure. hahaha. ;D Just fooling ard luh ! ;x

Alrights, i think imma head to bed to rest for awhile. My whole body is aching like fcuk ! Booo!

**Note: Its not that i cannot accept comments, but i`ll prefer it if you put down your name. I really dislike 'Anonymous', 'Anon', 'Passerby' or anything that isnt your name. I dont think your mom gave you such names right? So to all tagboard taggers, pls put down your name next time. =) Much appreciated ! :D

2007-06-03T12:31:00.000-07:00

Just got back home from hg park. Was there with my xiao clan worzxz ! Hahaha. My clan consist of xiao hwee, xiao des, xiao li and me.. xiao sam ! Hahaha.

Hmms, was out in the afternoon with justin and 3 other guys. Joker luh they all.. Damn funny, keep making me laugh sia (-___-") Anyways, thanks pile of shit for being my spare, you full of shit sia ! Hahahaha. ;x Just joking ! Met stacy at cineleisure, and we headed to AMK hub to look for xiao des and xiao hwee ! There were so many ah bengs.. see liao also scared. One step into K pool and all the heads turn, machiam arrival of the queen. Haha. After xiao des and xiao hwee finished their game, we headed to hg park. Slacked at kpt for awhile.. and i started becoming emo. Rofl.. After becoming emo, i became crazy. Started talking like a indian, and i also became hyper. Was running here and there and acting like a retard. I could even do a kartwheel although i was wearing a dress (-___-") Really ki siao le luhh ! ;x

I`ve got a literature lecture early tmrw morning. And im still fucking awake nowzxz ! I have a splitting headache, i feel like imma fall off the chair. Kenneth might be fetching me there.. haha. See how it goes luh ! And after the course, imma come home, rest awhile, call my xiao clan, get out to fix the bicycles, and we`re gonna go night cycling, maybe all the way to pasir ris. :D God bless my souls ! ;x

Aites, picture time ;x

Before going out to meet johnathan on saturday.

First picture is when i was still patiently waiting for xiao hwee, xiao des and xiao li. Second picture is when i am damnn hungry and those idiots haven arrived.. was damnn sad, cause i thought they wanna fly my aeroplane ! =(

This is xiao li. I took this photo of her, after we played catching. Was damn tired, she was lying on this bench, and i was lying on the one opposite hers. Haha

Upon reaching home.. Hahas

Pictures for sunday

Before going out to meet justin ! ;x

1. Stacy aka xiao li & Me
2. Siew Hwee aka Xiao hwee & Me :D

Thats me with hair tied up ! The weather was darnnn hot, and i dunno why my bun is so small (-___-")
And yes.. frown and all sorrows would be gone ! teehee. :D Sammie is loveeee... <33

Nitey nite world wide web. Imma head to bed now ! :D

* Blows kisses *

2007-06-02T07:18:00.000-07:00

Im damnn bored ! So i decided to play ard. Look at what i`ve got ! :D

Hahaha ! Now you know how bored i am? :D Lols..

2007-06-02T02:26:00.000-07:00

Yawnn ! I`m awake ! Teehee. Was over at town with desmond & stacy ytd because desmond wanted to get something for hwee and he wanted us girls to help him with it. =D After shopping around, had nowhere to go alrdy. So we headed to HMV to buy some dvds and headed to crash at stacy`s place. :D Before heading back home to change, saw marcus at somerset mrt station. Dont know if he saw me.. but my mood was totally down after that.. (-___-") Was alright after awhile, because everyone knows how crazy i am luhh ! =p

Was forced by stacy to watch the sadistic show... so painnn ! =( Hahaha.. Watched incredible tales after that, and all of us, hwee, desmond, stacy and me, we all fell asleep @ 5plus am. Only woke up at 9am and we headed home. Bathed and realised i couldnt slp. So i played the computer till 11.30 when all the tiredness started to kick in. Hahs. But i got woken up by my dumb neighbours, their house are having some renovation works, damnn noisy ! 7 early 8 early come and wake me up.. ughs !

Oh.. and i only survived on 2 apples and one box of kokocrunch ytd. Was not suppose to eat the kokocruch, but i could feel a gastric pain coming along.. and i did not want to suffer again like the other time, so i just ate so my stomach had something to work on. =)

Today was worst, mommy doesnt approve of me not eating, because i fainted once after not eating. And she bought prawn bee hoon soup. Hahs. I think im just gonna rely on that today luhh. Not gonna eat anymore.. I better fucking lose weight after giving up all the glorious food luh ! Hahaha. ;x

Anyways, pictures ! :D

This is what a bored sammie does while waiting for people who takes 3623283460234years to get ready. Haha..

Me with stacy`s cat. In the last picture, i think the cat doesnt like hwee, thats why she turned away ! Hahaha. The cat looks thin, but its round like a ball ! Damnn cute ! :D

My face looks distorted in the first picture (-__-"), Second picture is desmond, hwee and me, and last pic is desmond and me. He sucks.. Hahaha. Baby ! Ask your dumb bf stop bullying me ! Hahaha. ;p

Aites, im done blogging ! And im missing someone.. shh.. secret ! Hahaha. ;p

Bye earthlings :D

2007-06-01T16:39:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow earthlings ! Im awake. First time im awake soooooo early, depending on the fact that i slept at 7plus am. Now, im just waiting for stacy to wake up so we can head out tgt.

Yesterday, went out with stacy, mike and one more guy. Went to tampiness to watch 'Shrek 3'. Damnn cute luh ! Makes me wanna go 'Awwwwwww'. Haha. After the movie, the guys fetched us to 'Fisherman Village'. Played dont know what 'Up down up down' game. Haha. If you guessed wrong, you would have to drink. I kept guessing wrong.. Hahs. Thanks to mike`s friend who kept helping me. Haha. ;p And and, I HATE BEER ! Damn bitter =( Hahs. Stayed there till 2AM, and they fetched us back to HG. At first, i was sitting on mike`s bike. His bike damnn big (-___-") And the way he turn at corners makes me damnn scared because i feel like im gonna touch the road. He also can feel that im scared cause he says i wobble when he turns. Hahaha. And because his friend was a new rider, his friend drove quite slowly, and stacy was on his bike. So when we went back hg, we exchange places. Stacy sat on mike`s bike and i sat on the other one. On the expressway, mike`s bike vrooommmmmm past damnn fast. In a second, they`ve disappeared alrdy. Haha.. was feeling so damn scared for her. Lols.. There was a roadblock but luckily, we went thru smoothly. =D

After reaching hg, stacy vommitted. Haha.. Headed to hg mrt outside and slacked there while waiting for her malay friend. Talk cock till 5am and desmond came. Left at 6am.. upon reaching home, i removed my make up, laid on my bed and started looking at my hp msges till dont-know-what time. I had 1700++ msges.. read till i was so pek chek.. realise this thing and that is all the guys i know, they`ve been saying the same things to me. And that is ' There is smth about you, that makes me wanna love you, care for you.' LMAO. And when i do fall for them, what do they do? Haha. They fucking leave. Do i look like a fucking toy to you people? Im human too, i`ve got fucking feelings.. dont you people feel like bastards doing this to me? i`ve just failed in a r/s and have yet to fully recover from it.. and now you all wanna make me feel worst? Arghs.. I just dont know whats wrong with guys.. I guess they just think with their dicks ! Grr... told stacy, if i get bastard by another guy, i would really turn lesbian. Hahs.. :D

Or maybe.. just maybe.. the problem lies with me. I dont know what i really want. When i`m in a new r/s, all i talk about is 'Oh, my ex this.. my ex that.' Even with ben, i can still happily talk about marcus in here. I guess i didnt take his feelings into heart. I dont know why im feeling this way.. but i`ve gotta admit that i miss ben -.- and i really feel damn uneasy now because my hp is oh-so-quiet without his non-stop calling to disturb me and msges. Ugh ! Even when my hp rings or beeps with a msg, i`ll wish it was him, and if it isnt, i`ll sian 1/2. Sighh. Someone.. pls tell me whats wrong with me? After marcus, all the relationships i had all failed within 5 days. Thats damnn sad you know? =(

Hmms, on a different note, i`m gonna pierce my tongue soon. I know i`ve said it many times, but i`m very sure i`ll get it done by this month.. provided if someone accompanies me luh ! Haha.. mommy is against me piercing my tongue, but thats the only way for me to relieve all the pain inside me ;x am thinking if i should re-pierce my eyebrow too.. should i or should i not? comments plsss ! Teeheeeeeee!

Alrights, picture timee ! :D

Patiently tapping my feet while waiting for the guys to come fetch us.. hahs :D Had bad hair & small eyes day ytd. :( And why is my face so flat like a pancake ?! Sammie hates pancake face and flat hair ! Hahaha :x

Would you be there to love and be with me?

I miss being controlled, i miss being cared for when i do not take my meals, i miss being asked to take care of myself while im out, i miss being worried for when i do not answer calls.. i just missed being loved by someone. Sighh.. Anyone wanna love me? Just anyone...

Im on a diet now. No one is to tempt me with food ! (-___-") Hahaha. ;x

2007-05-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

I feel like crying... have been listening to this song thats been on repeat. I`m gonna go onto my bed and cry now.. -Period-

2007-05-31T02:17:00.000-07:00

Boring boring day ! Have nowhere to go. ;( Might be heading to town for movie later. Decided against night safari trip as its damnnnnnnn far. Haha..Oh wells, anyways, that is not my purpose for blogging now. ;x

Anyways, me and ben have broken up. He initiated it because he says im not ready to start a new r/s.

Hmms, ben baby, im really very sorry for making you feel tht way. Its not that im not ready but its just that i need time from you. I know i`ve not really expressed my love for you and its not that i do not love you but just that i am not very good in expressing myself in speech. I can do it better in words. You should know how hurt i am from my past r/s and all im asking is for time from you to let me forget him. I thought you knew.. but i guess you dont. You said you did not want us to end up like my 5day r/s with my ex, but guess what? We did. I thought that we could last you know? I really did. Its not that im not putting in my effort into our r/s.. i`ve tried hinting you to bring me out, but you`re always with frens, frens and frens, when have you ever spend time with me eversince we`ve got tgt ? You cant expect me to fall crazily in love with you if you dont spend time with me. Im the sort of girl who expects lots of time from her bf. My friends all know im attached, at least i made it known, what about you? Sighh.. I didnt expect myself to be blogging about you this way, i thought there were chances in the future of me blogging about how happy we were tgt. If you had more patience with me, and given me more time, we wouldnt have ended up this way, we could have been happier you know? Hais, i really dont know what to say. All i can say is that i`m also very disappointed in what you`ve had for me...

Arghs, i really dont understand what i`ve done in my past life to deserve all this shit. My love life sucks and my confidence in falling in love is going down to the dumps. Am i really such a bad gf? Shit me luhh ! ;(

Aites, im gonna go roll on my bed and ponder bout this. Byeeeeeee !

Sammie is not very happy right now !

2007-05-30T17:35:00.000-07:00

B-o-r-e-d ! Have been skipping lessons this few days. I think i`ll be dead when school reopens :D Arghs, so tired of my life now.

Was at home rotting my ass away the whole day. Ben came over to my place to accompany me for awhile because i was alone at home and afraid. :D Hahs. Waited for sandra to come home before he left my place. Went to bathe, dolled up and headed out to suntec with sandra to meet mommy and the rest. Ate at 'Kushin-bo'. The food there aint really very good, aint worth the money luhh ! There was this fat ass sitting beside our table, kept whispering to his friends about me & my sisters. Gosh, pls take a look at yourself, one chair doesnt seem enough to fit your fat ass ! Argh..

Went to 'Mango' after eating. Sisters all bought new clothes except for me because none caught my eye. Wanted to buy my white dress but i couldnt find it. Lols. So sadddd can? =( Headed home after that. Felt damn sick on the cab, eyes kept tearing, was feeling damn weak luhh. Upon reaching home, i removed my make up, and fell asleep all the way till now. Siann... No programmes tonight. Arghh. boring holidays. :(

Sighh. I really regretted calling him that night. If not, things wouldnt turn out the way it is now. 'Give up give up' is what i keep telling myself to do but i just cant. Why must the last time when we bid each other goodbye, i had to see him cry? Everytime i pick up my phone and dial his number, i get afraid that he would not want to answer my call. I can put down my pride for him, but i cannot take the pain if he doesnt answer my call. After all the mean things i`ve said, would he still wanna answer my call? I dont think so. Sighh... Boy, if you see this, im really very sorry for everything i`ve said and done. You said you didnt deserve me, but i guess im the one who really doesnt deserve you. If given a chance, i wont ask for more, but just for us to remain as friends. Too late now aint it ? I really wanted so much to hug you that night and cry my heart out when i saw you tearing, but i couldnt because my sisters were there and they told me not to cry infront of you. Sighh. I really miss you so fucking much that its beginning to hurt me all over again.

2007-05-29T00:13:00.000-07:00

Gonna blog first before i head for a nap. Gonna bring mommy out for dinner later. :)

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. Went to 'Melody Valley 2' with my sister sandra. Drank and drank till i got tipsy. Called marcus and blabbered alot of rubbish. I cried and sandra took my phone away and scolded marcus. Sigh. I didnt want things to turn out this way.. but since i`ve done it, i`ve gotta keep to it luh. Met marcus at tampines. Talked to him, said lotsa hurtful stuff to him, but i guess, he`ll know i do not mean it. Im really sorry boy. Forgive me ? But still, i wont back out. Pls do not contact me anymore, and i`ll not contact you too. Just give me time, time is all i need from you, to let me forget you. Yesterday, i was so pek chek i smoked too. Gosh.. (-____-") Anyways, i`ve really made up my mind this time round, and that is, i will be forgetting marcus once and for all. Forget the love we once shared.. Boy, you`ve gotta understand that i wont always be there for you. I`m utterly disappointed in what you`ve got for me. So everything you`ve been telling me the past few months were all 'jiao wei'. But thanks to my sister, i`ve finally woken up from this. I dont want to be the fool no longer. =) Do take care of yourself and study hard. =)) Just wanna say, i`m sorry for all the hurtful things i`ve said to you ytd. Dont take them to heart, because i did not mean it. Take care ya? =D

给我一杯忘情水
换我一生不伤悲
就算我会喝醉
就算我会心碎
不会看见我流泪

From today onwards, my heart is on you ben baby ! :D You better treat me well and dote me plenty plenty ;p. Teehee. Love youuuu asshole. =D

Sisters and me. =)

I love my sisters lots. Although we may always be quarrelling, but yet, they are the ones who are always there for me when im down. =D Love ya bitches.

Sammie outzxzxz ! :D

2007-05-27T05:18:00.000-07:00

Hoho, its chinese o levels tmrw :D Cant wait for it to be over but yet, i dont want it to come. Hope lady luck would be shining on me tmrw and i`ll pass the paper smoothly. ;p

Stayed at home and rot the whole day. Wanted to go out but decided to stay at home and be mommy`s good girl since i`ve exams tmrw. Haha. This kinda good daughter where to find uh? ;x Have also written in my previous post that i`ll study hard as a promise i`ve made to boy, so im gonna keep to it. :D All my fellow fuckers out there, pls wish me good luckkk ! ;p Teeheeeeeeee.

Hmms, today also marks a new beginning in my life. Today marks the day whereby me & ben got together. Hahs. Although it was only a short period of time since we`ve met, but still... feelings cannot be explained. ;x Just hope we dont end up like my previous 5 day r/s or even end up the same as me & marcus, because i just cant stand guys deceiving me of my feelings >;( Hmms.. just hope things would work out btwn us luh ! :D

Alrights, im done blogging. :D Teeheeeeeee !

I wanna go zoo, i wanna go kbox, i wanna go wild wild wet, i wanna go escape. Anyone up for it? Ohoh, and shopping too, because the GREAT SINGAPORE SALES is here ! Hohoho ! :D

Wish me luck fucktards ;p Love you pple. :D HEHEHAHAHOHO!

2007-05-26T02:27:00.000-07:00

Hoho. Deleted my previous post. Dont ask me why, i also dont know ! ;p Haha. Anyways, it was just an infatuation, thats all. =) Maybe, the lack of love and attention is really getting to me. Hahs..

Hmms, went out with ben ytd . He is a stupid ass, always bully me luh ! Hahaha ;p Met him and his friend at hg mall in the afternoon, afterwhich headed to compass to slackkk and den went to punggol end and headed home to bathe and change ! Met that kuku at 11 and he fetched me to vivocity. Watched 'Pirates Of the Carribean'. The movie was alright, just that it was too longgg, my ass almost broke into 10 million pieces. ;x Movie started at 12.30, ended at 3.30am. Mister ben fetched me home. Upon reaching home, i removed my make up and plonked onto the bed. Hibernated from 4+ am till 3.30pm. Was still damn sleepy but forced myself up. Ate and now im here blogging. ;D

Oh, and im damn dumb ! Haha. I sit bike so many times, but i still dont know how to wear the helmet. Hahaha. ;x And that dumb kuku keep scolding me cause i dunno how wear. Thats sadddd ! =( Haha. And stop bullying me okay ben? Hah. ;p Treat me nice and i`ll be doubly nice to you. And you will never leave me with bad souveiners. ;p Teeheeeeee !

Pictures pictures ! ( ITS ALL ME ONLY ) Hahaha

Teeheeeeeee ! :D

While waiting for ben`s call ! :D

Pictures from other days. ;p

This was taken on the day i PONG TANG school with crush. Went to katong shopping centre`s ' Teo Heng' Karaoke to sing song. Enjoyable day thou we were dead beat. :D

Me and rebekah ! Thats what you get from 2 very bored girls in school. Hahaha

Aites, its the 26th today. Boy, if we were still tgt, it would be our happy 2 years 2 months. Time really flies aye? Its been 3 months plus since we`ve seperated. Although i`ve decided that we both should move on, i wanna let you know i still aint any happier w/o you. What about you? Sighh.. I miss you asshole. =)

Baby wont you walk me home?

2007-05-22T00:24:00.000-07:00

Gonna blog before i head to bed for a nap. Hahs. My feet stinks, its giving me a headache. Hahaha ! ;x

Gonna meet crush early in the morning tmrw. Guess we`re gonna give school a miss. Not sure of where to go, have not planned. Hahs.

Got back my results today. Haha. Dropped terribly compared to the past. Last time, i only failed math. Now, i failed math, science and combine humanities. How nice ! Mommy is gonna slaughter me luhh ! Owells, mid year only ! Hahaha. O level chinese is on next monday, hope it`ll be easy so i need not retake :D Hahs.

As for marcus, aite, i dunno what to say. I`ve run out of words to say and no matter how much i say, none is gonna help. I admit i do miss him so badly, but whats there to do? Was watching 'Meet the fockers' ytd. Memories of him laughing at the name ' Gaylord Focker' and ' Martha Focker'. Darn cute luhs ! Owells, uncountable times of me relieving our memories and yes, i`ve gotta admit they were sweet and will always be kept close to my heart. I guess its time we both moved on. I dont want to cling on to him and let him drag me along the road, and hurt me again. 3 months of waiting, 3 months of pain. 3 months might not even be a long wait to those who have waited for 3 years, but i dun have that much time to see him playing ard while i stand at the side like a fool. I`m human too ya know? I also want love, care and attention from others. Boy, i guess you`ve not had enough. Seriously speaking, i really wanna thank you for that one night. You know wad im talking bout right? I dont care if you were drunk or whether it was real, all i wanna say is thanks because i really needed that hug and kiss from you. Maybe that was your way of bidding me goodbye? I dont know. I know you`ve been waiting very long for me to say this, and im gonna say it now. I really wish you & her all the best, sincerely from the bottom of my heart. Lastly, i still do love you, but i do not want to be hurt by you anymore. I`ve really had enough. So.. friends aite? Pls study hard and dont fool around anymore. You`re seventeen this year, not young anymore. Time to grow up and think okay? Dont waste your mom`s effort and money trying to put you through school. Just awhile more, we can pull through tgt okay? :D Promise me you`ll study hard, and i promise you i will too. One day, whenever you need me or need a listening ear, or even when everyone leaves you, rest assure that when you turn back, you`ll always see me there. Hahs. Rmb, im your irritating antsy ! You see me E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E ! Haha. No matter what we are, lovers or friends, you`ll always be my purple mouse and i`ll always be your stupid black gao hia ! Haha! Hahaha. you`ll never be able to get rid of me ! ;x Hohoho. Stupid lil boy, you`ll always be kept close and safe in my heart okay? I`ll never forget you, nor forget the love we once shared. They were really sweet indeed. :D Dont you ever dare forget me as your ex- irritating wifey ok ! Cos i bet none of your future gfs would be as irritating as me ! Teehee.

Antsirina Love Mousirina Aites boy, this is dedicated to you. Hmms, I guess this is the end of our love story. Bittersweet memories i`ll always remember. :D Guess whatever i wrote at your house playground did not come true. Rmb this? ' Samantha Love MarcusLove since 26march 05` till forever'Hahs, It never came true. ;(
Ohh, and btw, i still hug our baby to sleep. Hees ! :DTake good care of yourself ok ! :D If only our love could find a way, i`ll cry an ocean if you could sail back home again. Guess our love couldnt find its way...

2007-05-20T07:08:00.000-07:00

Booya ! Blogging before i head to bed. Damnn tired. ;x Humpf.

Anyhoos, im officially 17 ! Haha. No big fuck luhs. Still cannot do alot thing. Haha. ;( On my bday, skipped school. Dickson brought me out. Caught 'Blades Of Glory'. Darn funny luh the show. Hahs. After the show, headed to cineleisure with him to meet ex-bf. Stayed around for awhile and whilst waiting for stacy, dickson left first. Hahs. Headed to somewhere ard esplanade. Talked to stacy till day broke. Cabbed home and plonked on the bed till around 10+ am and woke up. Headed to town as there was a literature lecture at RELC. Hahs. Met up with roz, rachel and rebekah. Went to eat and afterwhich attended the boring lecture. I wasnt even listening. Was cam-whoring, eating sweets, disturbing pple.. basically doing everything besides listening. Haha. After the talk, headed to far east. Wanted to get 2 dresses by myself but rebekah and huiling offered to pay for me as a bday pressie. Damnnn sweet luh. Thanks babes ! :D Left town at around 10+. Headed to tampiness to meet ah xiang. Chit chatted awhile and i left to meet dickson. Watched ' Turista (?) ' with him. Was damn tired after that. Laid on his bed and never got up till morning. Hahs. Fell asleep luh ! Woke up today at around 12+pm. Cabbed home, bathed, ate and slept again. Living the life of a pig. Hahs. ;x And now, im damn tired still. Wthhh ! =( Hahs

Ohh, forgot to mention my baby and desmond toh. Hahs. They came to my house at 12 midnight on my bday. Brought me a cake. :D Damnn sweet. Hahs. Love you bitches. ;p Better last long aite? Teehee.

Shall upload a few pictures over the past few days. ;p

Cake from baby and desmond. Its darn yummy ! :D hahs

Hp keychain from dickson. Hahs. It has my face imprinted on it. Everytime i see it, i wanna laugh. Hahs ;x Its a mini me.

This is what you get from very bored girls in a lecture.

Friends friends ;p

Photos of me over 2 days span. haha. Very little le hohs ! ;x

Aites. Thanks to all those pple who wished me happy birthday. Thou it wasnt spent with him, you guys really made my day. Thanks to all the unknown people who msged me in friendster and phone to wish me happy bday, though i dunno you pple, but still, appreciated ! ;p

Shall upload pictures of my dresses another day. ;P

Bye pple. Love youuu! Teehee

2007-05-16T08:10:00.001-07:00

Emo emo emo. Sighh.

So many people keep asking me ' Where you going for your bday?' , ' How you going celebrate ?' , ' You going out with who?' . And damn, i`ve got no answers (-___-") Sighh. At the bus stops, i`ve seen the advertisments, ' Ask for anything on may 18 !'. Gosh, if i really can, i would ask for nothing but just for him to spend it with me. But i know that aint gonna come true luhs. So its just wishful thinking on my part. Humpff.

I miss you so damn much boy. Was on the cab with sister ytd. Went past Plaza Sing, Cathy and all. So so many memories came flooding back. Rmb the time when we had too much time on our hands but yet did not want to go home and we walked from plaza sing all the way to city hall ? And we wanted to go to the highest hotel in singapore but ended up embarassing ourselves? Hahs. We have not been there yet.. Sighh. Pls do not go with her can? You said you wanted me to be the first girl to go with you =( I have sooo many things i wanna do with you but yet do not have the chance anymore. I dont know why god is so cruel to me. He made me so ugly and fat, and he did not even give me the chance to be with the one i love. Whyy ? Did i do something wrong? Hais. I really miss the way we hug each other to sleep. That night, when we hugged, thou i hesitated at first but once we hugged, i really did not want to let you go. I wished we could remain like that forever. You know how i felt when we hugged? Im know im a bitch to be saying this, but i cant wait for you and your gf to break up. Its not because i wanna be back tgt with you but because i rather see you single den loving someone else. I really dont see how you can put down all our memories just like that. Even if you do not love me anymore, why cant anything in our one year 10 mth r/s hold you back? Even if there is really nothing, den how about the times we spent playing gb before we got tgt? arghs ! I really cant forget you. I hope i get into a deep coma or smth and when i wake up, i`ll forget everything including you, our love... Boy, one day when i really disappear from your life, its not because i`ve forgotten you or have stopped loving you but because you`ve really disappointed me too much. I cant always be there for you forever, but i will as long as i can and as long as you want me too. I love you boy.

Werent we suppose to be this sweet? I miss us. Do youuu ?

我真的睡不着
想你每分每秒
对你的爱灭不了
你的爱是毒药
只有你治得好
但你却绝情走掉...

2007-05-16T00:27:00.000-07:00

Omg. Someone shoot me in the head. I dont know why i keep eating so much this few days. I feel hungry damn fast too. Ughh ! I`m gonna be so fat all over again =(

Anyways, went out with sarah and steph ytd. Headed to town and bought lotsa clothes. Total damage was around $100++. Actually, the clothes i bought only made up one set. Haha. Okay, Nvmmm ! :D Anyways, can you people give me comments on this dress ? As in, do i look wierd in white ? Hahs. Is the dress nice? ;x

My bday is coming in 2 days. Sighh. I dread it. Its gonna be the suckiest bday in my whole entire life. YOU said you were gonna spend all the christmas-es, new years and your bdays and my bdays tgt with me. We only celebrated tgt twice.. Hais. Forget it. Stupid birthday. Celebrate for what? Also one year closer to coffin nia. Ughhs !

Boy,
I miss you so much. The best present i could ever have this year would be you. Wouldnt u fufil my wish? Sighh. Up till now, i dont understand what happened to you that night, and whats up with you now. You are seriously toying with my mind arent you? Reverse physcology? Hahs. Tell me baby, what is it that you want from me? To stay or to go? Dont contridict what you want me to do with the actions you show me. If what you want is for me to forget you and leave, i would. Seeing you happy is the only thing i ask for, no matter how much hurts and pain it would bring me. I wanna bring you to cathy to eat ben and jerry`s ! We havent ate our vermonster, rmb? I wanna bring you to 'Spaggedies'. Arghs. Sooooo many things i wanna do but yet do not have the chance. Ohh, and can i ask a favour from you? Pls dont use whatever we use to say to each other in the past, or whatever we`ve done tgt in the past with HER ? Ughs. 2 more days.. just 2 more days for you to make up your mind. The answer that you have would decide the mood i would have on my bday.

Dont you wanna be the guy that puts this smile on my face ? Cause i hope that it would be you.

2007-05-14T00:02:00.000-07:00

Im damn tired. Just came back from school. Dumbo sister. Tempted me with macdonalds. (-____-") Gonna screw up my diet plan again. ;( Hahs. So now, im waiting for my mcdonalds to arrive. :D Teehee.

In the meantime, i shall be nice and upload pictures. ;x
Pictures from friday :

Pictures from saturday :

My dumb cousin. Haha. The next pic is my cute ah ma and auntie. Hahs. Look at my drinks, One cup coke, one cup plain water, one cup champagne. Haha. ;D The dinner is damn expensive luhs. $468+++ for 10 people and there were 20 pple. Hahs. ;x

My cute cousin matthew that keeps going ' Damn, im sexy ! ' haha

分手到底是不是你要的结果
给不了我太多, 还不准我难过
不知道是为了什么还要把你无力的爱记得那么多
怎么放手

2007-05-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

Arghs. This feeling inside me is killing me. Its slowly eating up my heart - physically and emotionally.

Boy, i really dont understand anything that is going on btwn us now. One moment, i feel like as though im in a sweet dream but the next, i crash hard onto the ground and i have to face up to harsh reality. Didnt that ONE night you spend with me mean anything to you? Or was i just a spare that was available to you 24/7 ? How could you ever be so cruel to ever do this to me? Arent u hurting me enough?

That night we spend tgt, hugging each other to sleep, and waking up in the embrace of one another, the way you kissed me. It all felt so real. So real that i could feel that you would be returning to me soon. Why is it that after that one night, you totally ignore me and never even bothered to call me anymore? Your conscience is bugging you? I really dont know how much longer you are gonna continue this way, continue hurting a girl that loved you so much, the girl that you still love. Why is it that you still love me but yet, you do not want to be back tgt with me? Arent you being selfish, wanting the best of both worlds? I know you`ve told me to forget you and move on. But how do you expect me to do so when your actions and what you say to me, is all different from what you want me to do? You are not only playing with my heart, you are playing with my mind too. Tell me boy, what is it that you really want from me? Sighh. =( Im really so so tired. Stop playing games with me would you? You really can bear looking at me like this? I love you so so much baby. When can you see this? Sighhhhhhh (>.<)I want my happiness back, and my happiness is you. I`ll do anything, i`ll give up my world, i`ll do everything, just to be your girl cause baby, you dont know you mean the world to me and without you, my life is worthless.
If you asked me how much you mean to me , i`d show you [________]this much. Because when you put [________]much in your eyes, you`ll see you mean everything to me.

Boy, you should know what im talking about because i`ve told this to you many times. Sighh...

2007-05-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

Im damnn sleepy. Gonna blog before i head to bed. ;D

On friday, headed to vivocity with crush. Bought a pair of jeans and a black dress. Hahs. Was damn tired. Walked the whole vivocity hunting for clothes. Hahs. Left for home at ard 7plus. Was damn shag alrdy. Slept at 12 plus. Got woken up at 3 plus by marcus. That matter, i`ll talk about it in the later part of this post.

Today, slept till 5 plus. Couldnt wake up in time to meet justin. Sorry da bian ! I really did not mean it. =( I owe you one ok? ;x Prepared for mother`s day dinner at parkway at ard 6 plus. Ate till 11 plus. Damnn full luhs. Hahs. ;D Now im back home rotting. Stupid saturday, wasted !! Arghs. ;( I shall upload pictures tmrw! Teehee (n-n)

Anyhoos. About what i`ve mentioned above. Marcus called me and all. He was drunk. Told me alot of things that softened my heart. Hais. I really am so so confused. He came over to my house to stay. We were just like a normal couple. My heart melted just seeing him smile. I really missed hugging him to sleep so so badly luhs. Woke up in the morning and cooked for him although i was so fucking tired. Hais. I really hope this would last but sadly, it didnt. He is always telling me he still love me, he cant forget me, he hugged me, he kissed me but yet, he told me to forget him. He even said sorry. So everything that happened, he blamed it on this 'drunk' word. Sighh.

Boy, you know why i cried when i asked you why your gf called you hubby? You called me your wifey in the past. You were my precious hubby, now you are another girl`s one. Are you really that in love with her? I dont think so. I think you love me more. Why are you deceiving yourself? If you had loved her, why is it that when you were drunk, you called me instead of her? Why is it that you are still telling me you miss me & love me? Why is it that you are telling me you regret leaving me? Why is it that you always think of me when you`re with her? Why are you doing things that you`ve done with me with HER? Werent ' i love you, muack muack, bye bye' words we always said before we hung up the phone on each other? Why is it that you and HER are also saying this? You dont know how much pain im going through looking at MY boy going with another girl. You can never experience my pain unless you see me going tgt with another boy and calling him my baby, my hubby. Werent you happy while you spent your night with me ytd? I was. Many memories came flashing back and how much i miss them. Why the tears? When u looked into my eyes just now, couldnt you see all the hurts and pain within me? Couldnt you see all the pain you have caused? You bear looking at me like this? Sighh. I`ve been bottling everything up. Few drops of tears, but each drop contained so much pain. A pain you can never experience, a pain you will never know how it feels. Hais. Forget it. If you wanna be so heartless and see me like that. . Since you wanna take it like nothing has happened, everything was because you were drunk, i`ll just take it this way. I`ll take it that nothing has happened. And dont ask me to forget you or whatsoever, dont ask me to do something you know i cant. I really love you so much. Why cant you fucking see it? Sighh.. You really want to let go? you really want me to forget you, forget us ? Touch your heart and tell me. Do you still love me ? Do you really want everything to be gone?

当你开始追寻你要的自由, 放开我们紧握的手,带走我的爱和天空...
我们的爱过了就不再回来; 直到现在我还默默的在等待.

我无力承受最后的一点心痛 ( ::"-":: ) - Emotional Wreck

2007-05-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

Im back home from school. Fucking tired because i only slept a little before heading to school for exams. Teehee! Its officially over ! :DDD Mommy gave me $100 to go shopping. Weeeee ! Stupid malls, better wait for meeeee ! Going vivo with crushiee and baby ltr. Teehee. Yay yay ! Im a happy kid. ;D

Brought mommy out to dinner ytd with sisters. Brought her to a korean restaurant. Ate BBQ and hot pot. Eat till belly full worzxzx ! Haha. After eating, headed home with mommy. Waited 1 fucking hour for a cab. Was so damn pissed off luhs ! Stupid dumb cabs. Fuckkk you all. Wait till i get carrrr or a bf who drives a car ! TEHHH! Hahaha.

Hmms, im damn confused now. Marcus called me ytd. A good or bad thing, i also dont know. Told me he missed me and was jealous of seeing me flirt with other guys, also said he still had feelings for me. But but, we wont have any chances to get tgt again. Sighh. Tell me what am i to do now? Move on or not? Arghs. Why is it that you still have feelings for me, i still have feelings for you but yet we cannot be tgt? You know you need me, i know i need you, so whats holding you back? ;( Humpf ! Aiyerr. I dont know luhs ! Boy, you`ll never find another who will love you like i do, but i can love another man the way i loved you. Arghhhs ! Fuckkk the stupid matters of my heart. I go be a ni gu suannn liao ! (>.<)

My cute cute mommy and me ! :D Love you mommy.
Happy Mother`s Day Mommy Dearesttt ! :)

All the food. :D Teehee. I didnt take the hot pot because i was busy eating alrdy. hahaha

Me and my pair of lovable twin sisters ! :D Stephanie doesnt want to take with me. So sadddd ;( Haha.

Sorry uhs, you people know im damn zi-lian one. Haha ;p

How many times must i show you this face, before i can get you back in my arms again? =( Sighhhhh

( ::"-":: ) 心事谁能知?

Gonna head to bed for a nap now. Bye world !

2007-05-10T15:51:00.000-07:00

Hip hip hurrayyy ! Hurray hip hip ! My exams are overrrr. School ends at 9am tmrw. Like woohooooo ! :DDD Damn happy !

Had f&n exam today. Dead luhs ! Hahs. Nvm. Mid year onlyyyy ! (>.<) Had chinese oral too. Dead too. Teacher said i spoke too much english and that i spoke like an ang mo speaking chinese. Hahs. ;( So sad can ! Headed to compass point after f&n paper. Bought concealer from missha and ate my yummy fish beehoon ! :D Teehee. Damn nice luhhhs ! After eating, headed back to school for oral and now im back home. Feel so damn tired. Dont know why also. Teeheeeee. Topshop dress, here i comeeee ! Wait for me ok ! Haha.

Anyhoos, very unglam pictures. Hahs. :D

Zhu and me. Yes yes, got pimple. Fuckkk luhs ! (>.<)

My 2 fellow crazy frens ;D Hahs.

Retardo me. And yes, im standing inside the sink. My asshole was on top of the tap and i was so afraid i would accidentally sit on it. hahs. I think i need to buy a smaller uniform. My uniform is darn big, i think i can even hide my belly if im pregnant. Hahs. :D Aites. thats what happens to girls when they are bored and have too much time on their hands ;p Hahs.

Kkays. Imma head to bed for a nap now. Buhbyeeees ! :D

2007-05-10T00:35:00.000-07:00

Boo, im back to blog again. Cos im damn bored. :D Teeheehee. There`s f&n exam tmrw and i have not studied. Hahs. All the best to me luhs. ;x

Was thinking alot about our past while i was bathing just now. Sighh. I really miss everything. How i wish i could turn back time, i would have held you tight instead of letting you go this easily. I guess this is the first time, she is an obstacle i cannot overcome. I have done so many things ever since we`ve broken up, even things i myself find disgusting. Cant you see how im inflicting injuries on myself as a way of showing you what you`be done to me eversince you`ve left? Would you be jealous if you see me in the embrace of another guy? I really miss you so much that my heart is aching. Baby, im yearning for your touch. When are you coming back? I really dont understand how you could ever give up 2 years worth of love for a love that bloomed over a week? I really cant.

Dont you miss US? Samantha and Marcus? It really hurts when people ask me how the both of us are, and i have to pretend im all strong and say ' oh, we`ve broken up.' Werent we supposed to be the sweetest couple everyone envied? Tell me where have i gone wrong? Chatted with you over the phone the other day, i can feel that deep down, you do miss me too. But what is holding you back? Are you happier now? I really miss the stayovers, whereby we would watch DVD after DVD till morning before we go to bed tgt and you`ll hug me so tight. Or the nights whereby you and me would just snuggle up tgt and talk while waiting for my muffin store to open. Rmb the time whereby we went to SPC to buy food, and when we wanted to walk back, i told u to take the darker route cause its shorter, and you insisted to walk by the bridge tht way, and we walked in different directions, and i ended up chasing u and crying because i was afraid and i told you never to throw me alone again? How can you bear to throw me alone now? =( Sighh. I really miss cooking for you and how you`ll always bug me to cook for you when i dont want to. I also miss the times when you were working at tuas, and you stayed over at my house, and we woke up at 5am, you went to bathe and i made breakfast for you, packed your bag for you and passed you my jacket cause it was cold in the morning. We were just like a married couple. Happy and living in bliss. Why did you have to disappoint me? I really love you so so much. When are you coming back? Dont make me wait too long because i dont know how much longer i can take this heartache. If only you`ll see, your heart belongs to me....tell me what must i do to show you how much i love you. I`ve told you once, i`ve told you twice.. how many more times must i say ? =(

We were so sweet tgt... Sighh.. =(

2007-05-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

Blogging before i head to bed for a nap. Math paper 2 was horrigible. Almost killed me. Hahs. Its okay. Fail math paper 1, pass math paper 2 also no use. Haha :D Biology was alright depending on the fact that i did not study. hahs. After school, headed home. Im damn sleepy now but i still wanna talk to myself because i`ve got no one to talk to. Humpf !

Cant wait for exams to end. It officially ends tmrw because friday is just MCQ. Hahs. Cant wait to shop till i drop. ;D Sighh. I dont wish for my bday to come bcos im gonna be oh-so-lonely on this day. =S Fcuk luhs ! ;(

Anyways, today is mini kenny`s bday

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY !

Thanks for always wishing me good luck before my papers even though is i call you to do one. But still, appreciated luhs ! :D Teehee. And also always writing me comments because i told you it would make me happy and i asked you to give me one everyday. At least you still try to give me one everyday. Tahaha ! Thank you luhs mini one ! :D Enjoy yourself to the fullest on this very day uhs. =) Teeheehee.

Lotsa love,
from mini sammie ! :D

Tell me what was i to say, to make you come back....

2007-05-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

One word to sum up my day today = DIE ! ;( Chemistry paper was extremely difficult that out of fustration, I crushed my exam paper (-____-") I left almost the whole paper blank and i guess i`ll get one digit for my chemistry paper. Teehee. Nvm luhs ! MID YEAR ONLY ! Hahaha. Okay fuck, im just comforting myself. Dont need to burst my bubble !

Slacked in the library with roz, rene, nicole and crush today. Gossiped like some aunties. Tahah. Afterwhich, i complained i was hungry and we went down to eat. Haha. After eating, headed to toliet with crush and there was where we went crazy. Haha. Take a look ...

Aites, some very ugly photos of me. Haha. Exam stress ;x

My crush ! Teehee. :D I know the picture sucks. Dont give me comments like i look very different with make up and w/o. I know i know (-___-") And i am more innocent w/o make up anyways. Those that say i look like ah lian with make up, now you see another side of me. Still think i look like ah lian than eat this __ ! :D

To end this on a nicer note,

You said goodbye and i fell apart. I miss you boy. ;(

2007-05-07T04:27:00.001-07:00

Boo. Im damn bored so i decided to come here and talk to myself ;x. Had geography and english papers today and sad to say, god did not bless me because after completing the last question of geography, i realised that another qns was easier and i only had 3 mins to complete that qns if i wanted to do that. Hahs. Aiyerrr. Fuck luhs ! Its okay. MID YEAR ONLY! Nvm nvm :D.

After school, bus-ed home. Felt so embarassed because while in the bus walking to the seats, my ankle slipped and i twisted it. I almost fell onto a woman and i guess i gave her a shock. Best thing is i could still laugh and pretend nothing has happened. Teehee. So paiseh ;( 3 more days before all papers are officially over ! Yay yay yay ! Anyone wanna jio me out? Faster book me ! Hahaha.

Ohh, im damn happy. I lost 2 kg. Like finallyzxzxz ! Hahaha.

Baby, i miss you ! I havent seen you in 89635263415 days. You miss me biatch? Haha. Lets go rebond our hair and shopping after your exams alrights? :D

Hmms, my birthday is approaching. Dont know why, but i dread for tht day to come because i know im gonna be oh-so-lonely that day. My previous bday were all spent with him. And even though he doesnt do much, i just enjoy him companionship. Hais. Seriously boy, you still dont see it? Cant you see what you are doing? You are destroying the old samantha. You can bear to see that happening? Sighh. I just miss you so much. Why cant u just see it and tell me you miss me too? I really wanna hug you so tight. Do i still have the chance? Do i still have the chance to tuck you into bed like i used to? Do i still have the chance to trim your eyebrows? Do i still have the chance to pamper and treat you like my lil precious boy? If i dont, just tell me straight. I dont wanna hide behind a mask acting as if im all happy when deep inside, my heart is breaking. I really wanna cry out loud. Wont you be the shoulder i can lie on like i used to? Dont make me hold on to a hope that you know can never happen. I really love you fuckloads. Tell me why cant you see it? Sighh.

I cried myself to sleep last night and when i woke up, there were tear stains on my pillow.

2007-05-06T23:28:00.000-07:00

Im here to blog because Mr Justin Tan Zhi Wen wanna kaypo ! Teehee. ;D Anyways, there`s geograpy and english exam tmrw. Din study at all, so may god bless me luhs. ;D

To justin :

Dont always bully me. ;P Be honoured that i`ll be watching scary ghost show with you. Teehee :DTo marcus:Boy, rmb i said i`ll wear this to orchard when i go out with you? When you gonna bring me? I miss you. Arghs ;(

2007-05-05T01:22:00.000-07:00

My whole body is feeling so weak now. I had serious gastric problem yesterday. Fucking fucking pain. It was so pain till i could not even stand up and i felt like vommiting too. Best is i still gei kiang, go down and meet baby. Ended up i was just squatting on hg plaza`s floor crying. Imagine the pain.. cos i dont cry easily one luhs (-___-") Dragged myself home and when i was at my doorstep, i totally had no more stength. I sat on the floor and asked mom to drag me into the house. I crawled to the bed and fell asleep while mom was making hot milo and porridge for me. Haha. After awhile, i woke up and ate and bathed. Den i went back to slp. Haha. Fuck man, im not going to ever not eat again. Stupid. Im sucha LOSERRR. ;( I need SOMEONE to come take care of me. =( Haha. I think everyone also know who le luhs. ;(

Anyhoos, met kenny in the afternoon. Slacked at my house till 11. Den he left and i left to meet baby. When all these fucking pain came. Boo. Bodoh. =(

Boy you dont know how much im yearning for your touch. (>.<)

Aites, i shall stop here. ;D Haha. Bye bye. Gotta hit the books luhs =(

2007-05-03T07:22:00.001-07:00

Hoho. Im such a fucking loser. I ate again ! Boohoo ;( Im at the last page of one chapter for social studies. But but but, i was stuck at it for a few hours. Hehs. ;D Now i`ve moved on to another chapter, like finally ! ;D

Came back from school just now and i slept like a dead lobster. I snoozed my alarm and slept 1.5 hours more than wad i had set. hahs. I was damnnn tired luhs. ;( Stupid exam faster end luhs. I wanna get money and go out and shop till i droppp ! Anyone wanna bring me shopping? Haha.

Aites, i miss marcus alot. Hahs. Dont know why. I seem to be slowly forgetting him, as in i do not think about him as much as when we were tgt, but yet, deep down, i dont know why i have this sort of feeling towards him. I want to move on but yet, its that feeling that is holding me back. I dont know how to explain luhs. ;( Stupid boy. I wanna bring you to 401 to eat spling chicken. I miss the times when u stay over and ask me to accompany you to 401 to eat. I miss your kisses, i miss the way our hands meet, the way your eyes look into mine, the way you act cute with me, the way we wrestle each other on bed (Not in a dirty way mind you!), the way you`ll laugh at me at how i have to take 2 steps to get down one big step, the way you piggy back me, the way you laugh at me when i carry my handbag like a rocket and run around, the way you always kiss my nose den forehead den cheeks followed by a long kiss on my mouth and when you get the sequence wrong, you`ll kiss me all over again. Sighh, i just miss you so much boy. Do you miss me as much as i do?

Rmb this picture? I really wish you would be the one to put that smile back on my face. Tell me what must i do, to show you how much i really miss you.

2007-05-02T05:47:00.001-07:00

Aiyerr. Fuck luhs. I`m not supposed to eat but i did. Loserrr ! >;( Haha. Fuck. Nvm. I shall try again tmrw. If it fails, i will try the day after. Omg. I cant believe how i didnt eat for FOUR days when marcus broke up with me. Someone pls let me fall deeply in love with you and den leave me pls? So i can jiannn fei. haha.

Anyways, screwed up my papers today. I dont fucking care. Fail den fail luhssss ! Marcus called me ytd. Loveee ! ;D I was smiling to myself from ear to ear luhs. ;x Sighhhh, but he is like on off also luhs. Happy den call, not happy dont call. >;( Humpf. Sammie sad sad :( Ohkay, i should stop acting cuteeeeeee ;x. Hah.

Anyhoos, i`m here to ask someone to motivate me to study. So who is gonna motivate me? Huh huh huh?

You wanna motivate me? Teehee. Boy, im waiting for you to bring me to 401 again. Arghs, when is it coming? Or never? Tell me soon. I dont want to be the only one hanging there.

2007-05-01T06:57:00.001-07:00

Teehee. Im supposed to be studying like a nerd now but i cant concentrate. Took me 2 hours to finish studying 2 pages. Boo. Why should i even study if it aint gonna affect my o lvl results? Waste of my time luhs ! >.< Sammie hateeeeees studying ! ;( Cant wait for may 11 to come. Cause that marks the end of MYE(s) ! Yayness. Hahs. Anyways, i just came here to say, i miss _ _ _ _ _ _ ! ;D Hahs. Fill in the blanks luhs ! Its kinda obvious anyways. ;x Boy, im still waiting. ;)) Im not gonna force you to come back, im not gonna force you to break up with her. Afterall, when you look back, i`ll still be waiting for you . ;D

Boy, this is how muchhhhh i miss you. * Pouts. Rmb i always give you this face whenever you`re angry with me or when i want something and you duwan give me? Hahs. ;D

Aites, shall get my butt off now. Later mommy will start all her naggings again. Noisy luhs. ;x

2007-04-29T16:06:00.000-07:00

Fuck ! Im supposed to be doing my f&n coursework now but im so fucking distracted. I see the bed, i wanna sleep. I`ve checked my friendster a thousand million times and yet, i can log in log out again and again. Hahs.

Anyways, went to Junction8 with baby ytd. Accompanied her to eat. After eating, we sat at MOS burger and all our craziness started again. Hahs. Marcus called me. Facing some probs with his GF. Dont know to say if im supposed to be happy or not, but im glad he still calls me when he has probs ! ;D Aites, whats meant to be mine will be mine luhs. Just wanna let you know boy, that i will always be here for you yeah? I`ve told you before when we were tgt, i will ALWAYS be there for you. Just a call away =D Im still the bestzxzx ! hahs. I miss you ass ;( Boo!

Complete and total adoration,My gift to you, my heart was yours.In ten weeks you shaped it, In one night you murdered it.Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,That first step that you took was the worst.Since then you've walked a thousand miles in silence and short remark,And I still have these memories,But we'll never see what we could have been.Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?Remember. cause that's all you can do.We`ll never make another memory,We'll never make another memory.I wish I'd have died in your arms the last time we were together,So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.This time I thought things were real.You said they were.What happened?You were a priority, Was I an option?I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.you knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,I'm sorry that wasn't enough.So, we'll go our own ways,And hopefully you'll remember the things I've told you,Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said was in sincerity.A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,But I guess I've learned from it.But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?I don't consider this a mistake,I just wish the story didn't end this way,Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it. Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?

Fuck boy.When are you gonna unbreak my heart? Hais. You said you`ll never let me go, just like i said i wouldnt let you go. U went back on your promise. I have not. Im still not letting you go....just not that easily.

Anyhoos, pictures pictures !

Okay okay. Done done done ! yay ! Retardo pictures. I heart my baby ! <33 again ="(">

2007-04-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

Bored. Im supposed to be in school but i`m not. Mommy woke me up late and i told her i didnt wanna go school =D

Doing my food&nutrition coursework now. Hopefully i can get it done by monday ;x MYE(s) are next week and i still dont feel the need to study. Boo ! Hahas. Fuck luhs. I should have just gone to ite and not waste my time in secondary school because in the end, i still will end up there. Hais. Fucked up life im living now.

Boy, you dont know what is happening to me after you`ve left. My life is in a total mess. When you came in, my life was whole, now that you`ve left, i really dont know what to do. I have no one to share my problems with. You dont know how much i need you, you really dont seem to know. Even if i get into a new r/s with another boy, in the end, i still feel you`re the one i love afterall and they`re all replacements of you. Baby, why did you haf to do this to me? Imagine how happy we would have been.. if she hadnt come along. You`ve cheat me once, you`ve cheated me twice, yet, i could still forgive and even ask you back. I know there are chances you would cheat me thrice.. so on & forth, but cant you see, i am fcuking willing to go through all pains just to be with you. Do you know how much hurts you have put me through? Before we got tgt, i was alrdy hurt by you, when we were tgt, i was also hurt by you, even when we`re not tgt, im still constantly hurt by you. Tell me why this is so? If I told you once, I told you twice, You can see it in my eyes.I'm all cried out, With nothing to say. You're everything I wanted to be. If you could only see, Your heart belongs to me. I love you so much, I'm yearning for your touch.Come and set me free, Forever yours I'll be, Baby won't you come and take this pain away ? Boys come in & out of my life, i admit there are one or two whom i`ve developed feelings for, but yet, when i think what is it i like about them, den i see that its because the way they speak and their actions are exactly like yours. Boy are you happy with your life now? Cant you look back and see someone waiting for you at the corner? Hais. I really love you so much, when will you see this ? Tell me why up till this day, im still crying for you ? Sighh.. Baby, you really dont see it dont you?

I miss the times we had. I really dont want this to be the end.

2007-04-25T05:00:00.001-07:00

Woots ! I`m finally back home from school. Went to TUAS today. Stupid bus uncle anyhow drive, sit the bus till my butt almost split into 2 luhs ! Went to the incineration thingy. Boring like fcuk. Hahs. Slept on the way back home and afterwhich bus-ed home. Hahs.

Anyhoos, im single again. Attached for 5 days and thats the end. We are counted as bf gf or not, i also dont know. All i know is he asked me to be his gf, and i agreed to try out only. Anyways, i did not put any feelings or so into this r/s so i aint affected. ;D Guys are bastards ! Thats all i can say. =D

Alrights, i dont know wad to type anymore. Haha. I came here to update for the sake of updating. =x Haha. Anyone wanna bring me go shopping? ;( Hahs

Ohh. And i love this girl.

She bought me my favourite Marks and Spencer sweets luhs ! And also all my favourite breadtalk bread ! I love you baby! Mwahhhh ! ;DDD Siewhwee is the sex ! Hahaha

Aites, im done now. Sayos ! ;D

I still miss you boy. ;x

2007-04-24T00:22:00.001-07:00

Did not go to school today as i am sick. Went to the doctor in the morning with mommy. Hahs. I dont like to go to the doctor alone because firstly, i dont know how to tell him whats wrong with me, and secondly, im afraid ! Hahs.

Finally, a day whereby i can rest the whole day. Exams are approaching next week and the best thing is i only knew it ytd. ;x Hahs.

My love life is fucking complicated. Fucking fucking complicated. Thats all i can say. Sorry to those who i`ve hurt. Im really sorry. I just cannot put my past with him behind me. I really cant. Pple say, '拿得起放得下' but its really not that easy afterall. Arghs.

Got this from my sister`s blog.

True love is when you shed a tear and still want him.
It's when he ignores you and you still love him.
It's when he loves another but you still smile and say "I'm happy for you."

When all you really do is cry.... and cry..

He cheated on me twice. I shed lotsa tears for him. I told myself to hate him, but yet, deep down in my heart, i know how much i want him back. At times, he ignores me but yet, i know i still love him. I just cant bring myself to hate him. Even at this point of time, when he loves another, i stand at one corner and pretend im alright, im happy. But all i really do is just cry. Hais. I really fucking miss you boy.

Read back on my archives, and i saw this.

'Hais..Quarrelled with hubby yesterday. Made him cry. Omg..never would i think that he would shed his tears for me. Made him cry today again and he cried untill my pillow became so wet. Hais.. Sorry baby. I will cherish you and you know i need you alot, you`re my bolster, i cant sleep without you and i always need you to be there for me. Remember what you said to me? you said ' Today, on saturday, 12.24am, i promise you i will take care of you forever and dont let anyone bully you'. You must do what you`ve promised and take care of me ok? I dont want any other pple to be taking care of me, i only want you..i only want you to stand up for me when others bully me. Okay dear? Dont do stupid things and get yourself in trouble. I really will not know what to do should anything bad happen to you. You are already half of my life, without you, my life wouldnt be whole. I need you alot, you are my life, my soul and my boy! x) Hehe'

You promised me you would take care of me forever and not let anyone bully me. What happened to that promise? Hais. Whos gonna stand up for me now that you`re gone? Whos gonna take care of me now? Why did you have to break your promise? Cant you see what you`re putting me through? I thought you said you would never leave me? Why lie to me baby? You are killing my heart day by day.

是什么让你爱上了她 , 难道她比我对你好吗 ?
我爱你,你却爱着她, 我都为你心都碎了
是不是只有忘记我自己 , 我的泪才不会如雨下 ?
你曾想过我的感受 , 这样对我公平吗 ?

Fuck up. I miss you !

2007-04-23T01:02:00.001-07:00

Im sick ! Fuck. I`ve never felt so terrible in my whole life before. My whole body is breaking apart and i feel like im gonna collapse anytime. School was horrible today because i was feeling damn terrible and all i did today was complain, complain and complain to my dear friends ! ;x Hahs. Cabbed home and whats worst was that i was drenched in the heavy rain. Poor sammie right?! ;(

Sigh, how i wish i could have the past back, whereby whenever im sick, he would cover me with layers and layers of blanket and even lie on top of me and hug me just because i said i was cold and just so i could feel his warmth. No matter how hot & stuffy he felt lying under the blanket with me, he never complained and even hugged me. Hais. I really miss you so much boy. When are you gonna come back and take care of me like you used to do? I dont need any other guys in my life except you. What must i do to show you how much i need you by my side? I may look happy, flirting like nobody`s buisness, but one thing you dont know is how much i yearn for you inside, and how lonely i feel without you. Dont you miss all the crazy things we used to do tgt? Dont you miss disturbing me when im sleeping? Do u rmb the time when u woke me up when i was damn tired and i just sat on the bed and scream non-stop and u let me back to sleep? Hais. I really miss the times whereby you watch your tv as i lay on ur lap to sleep, and u would give me gentle pecks on my cheeks & lips or run your fingers through my hair. I miss the times whereby you would ask me to accompany you to 401 at retardo hours just because you were hungry and wanted to eat SPLING chicken. I just miss everything about you boy. When are you gonna come back to me? I dont wanna play waiting games with you anymore because u dont know what you are putting my heart through.

..Im going to lie on the bed to rest now. =) I miss you boy. I really do. Everything here is what i`ve been wanting to say. There is more, but if i continue, it would never end. ;x

Alrightys. Good night people.

2007-04-22T05:46:00.000-07:00

Im f-u-c-k-i-n-g tired ! I could have slept more but mommy woke me up at 5plus to eat. So i just woke up luhs ! If not i would not be able to sleep again tonight. Haha.

Went to vivocity with Sky ytd. We walked ard vivocity and afterwhich headed to Habourfront Centre because that silly boy wanna eat pastamania. (-____-") I watched him eat and stacy & calista came over to find me. After eating, sky & us headed seperate ways. Meet xuebs & co before heading to her party at some condo. =D The food was great ! Haha. I drank chivas, damn nice luhs ! I helped pammie, mel and sylvia drink theirs because they said the alcohol content very high, they cannot take it. But when i drank it, it wasnt even high ! (-____-") I was damn full after all the drinking. Haha. Stayed at the party till around 10 plus. Was supposed to head to rebekah`s chalet but we had a change of plans. Instead, i headed to town with baby to catch a movie. We caught '200pounds beauty'. Damn touching and funny ! I rate it 4.5/5 stars luhs ! ;D Definitely worth the money. =)

Before the movie started, we went to meet marcus. He has changed alot and i mean really alot. One thing that hasnt changed is that he still like to check my hp. Hahs. I caught him looking at my smses but i pretended i did not see anything. Haha. I told him i had a bf and i even proved it to him. He did not have a reaction, but i could see something from his face and it was something i wished to see. Its not revenge im taking here uhs ! -.- I guess that even though both of us may seem to be moving on, but somehow, there is something there btwn both of us. Deep down, i know i still love him alot, and i know he will always take a big part of my heart and i hope that likewise, he also loves me but just that he isnt aware. I rmb once, when we were still tgt, he asked me if he thinks we would get married. And i answered him 'We may get married next time but in between, we sure have others entering our life, just that, in the future, we may just feel we love each other the most and maybe get married' and this may be just wad is happening now. We are both having others enter our lives. I dont know how to say luhs but whenever me & him talk, i just feel that there is something special in btwn us ! Arghs. Dont know how say ! Haha. I cant forget all the crazy shits we used to do. ;x

Anyways, after the movie, headed back to hougang. Sat NR6 and i was damn tired. I wonder how many people saw my panties because i`m sure i wasnt sleeping very graciously! (-____-") Hahs. Baby and I met desmond at hg and we headed to MAC to eat. Ate hotcakes again and i heart hotcakes ! ;P Haha. Talked awhile and i headed home by cab. Waste of $$ because my hse is damn near. Lols. Played comp for awhile before i KO-ed all the way till 5plus today. =)

Anyhoos, pictures pictures. ;D

All the pictures taken at the party ! Haha. I didnt take pictures with the others cos im not really close to them. ;x

All the pictures taken while on the train to cineleisure and pictures taken @ cine. =D

Fucking shag me after getting off the bus. My hair is messy, my make up is smudged. Haha. ;x

Alrightys, im done updating. ;D Is the font better? As in easier to read? Hahs.

** This new song in my blog is for u mister foo toon cheng ! Listen to the fucking lyrics ok ! ;x

I guess i still cant put everything down.

2007-04-19T05:51:00.001-07:00

I cant stop e-a-t-i-n-g ! Arghs. Someone take all the fucking food away from me luhs ! Haha. Anyways, im fucking glad that he is fine. =DDD But still, some matters of the heart is still left unsettled ;(

pls tell me what you want now. Why tell me you like me and do this to me now? Don’t make me believe, That we can be more than friends, cause at the end of it all, i don’t wanna hear u say, That, ” I’m sorry!”, which is what you did. Arghs. Fuck the love matters of my heart cause its all in a big mess. Booya ! >;(

Im gonna go watch tv now. Bye bye

Now who is gonna dote on me after you`ve left?

2007-04-18T20:40:00.001-07:00

Im @ school now rotting my ass away. There`s chemistry & biology practical exam today and i have not studied a single fuck. May god bless me and allah sing song to me ;x

I cant concentrate in sch today bcos i keep looking at my fucking hp to check if he has msged me. Arghs. And i have not received any msg ! My mind is going haywire alrdy luhs ! I can advise pple on wad to do, but i just cant advise myself. 12+ is coming and i hope i recieve his msg to know that he is fine. Just that will do, nothing else more. I see myself hanging in there, but yet, i also see myself letting go. I really dont know what he wants luhs. I dont understand why is it tht when i love/like someone, i dun get them but when to those tht i dun like/love, they keep coming in non-stop. Fuckit ! >;(

Anyways, i really hope nothing happens to him luhs ! ;x

Alrights, im getting kinda lazy to blog now. Might update again later or smth. Im in serious need slp even though i might be slping so fucking early at 10pm everyday. Haha. ;p Booya!

May god bless tht nothing happens to him.

Someone pls slap me and tell me wad i should do ! ;x Humpf !

2007-04-17T05:50:00.001-07:00

Tired day full of non-stop eating & sleeping action ! Omg. I think im pregnant or something. The amount i ate today, woo.. SCARYYY ! Haha.

Went out with jerry again ytd. He likes to smell my hair and look @ my eyes. Wierdo ! Haha. ;x I scared diannn si ni luhs ! Lols. Slacked at AMK with him & his bros & some girls. I forgot all their names luhs. STM ! hahs. After that headed to some country club to play pool. I didnt play cos i dont know how to. I played HP games till i got tired and afterwhich, zoomed home and i plopped onto bed and slept like a dead lobster all the way till morning. Hahs. And i must make a note to myself, and that is not to wear shorts when sitting his bike cos i keep scratching myself luhs ! There`s this particular scratch on my leg that hurts like fuck when it comes into contact with water or sweat luhs ! Boo! >;( Hahs.

Was supposed to head to town with rae, zhu, huimin, angela, hilda and baby today but me and baby backed out in the end cos by the time we prepare and stuffs, those idiots would be leaving town. Hahs. The worst thing is that i was all dolled up and ready to go and i backed out. (-_____-") I removed my make up, plopped on the bed and KO ! Hahs.

Got woken up by mommy . Shared curry rice with mommy ! And now im here digesting some food before i head to bed again ! Im seriously deprieved of slp this few days. Arghs. I hate feeling oh-so-tired in school and yet im not able to slp in class. Gonna run 2.4 tmrw and thus, i need to sleep early to replenish my energy. Right right? hahs. There f&n tmrw also and i guess im dead. I still have so much more to do and im always so lazy to do it. Someone pls give me a hard kick and wake me up ?

Im so tired. I hope i will fall sick, get into a coma or something so i can get all the slp i need. Hahaha. ;p

Buy me a pkt of 'Extremely Chocolatey Caramel from Marks & Spencer pls ? *Pouts !

hahs. Alrights, im outzxzxz ! Sayonara. ;P

2007-04-16T00:32:00.001-07:00

Just came back from school. Skipped napfa test because im damn tired ! Hahs. Gonna head to bed after updating this shit. ;D

Went to vivocity with my most beloved ytd. She was mad & high on drugs, kept going crazy ! hahs. Went to topshop to walk ard and basically walk ard the whole of vivocity. Ate @ food republice and afterwhich, we headed to the arcade to play. Hahs. Play air hockey and we kept screaming! It was so fun ! And baby, im better @ air hockey den u ! U lousy shxt ! No kick playing with you ! Hahaha. =P After that, we played donno wad 'lets go jungle' or smth, and we played barely for 5 minutes and we died ! Thats how PRO we are luhs ! Hehs. Met Sky for awhile and i left w/o him ! Hahs. Headed home after that and jerry asked me out for a spin. I almost lost my balls while on his bike cause he rode so fast ! Hahs. But it was damn fun luhs ! Went to punggol beach to talk cock sing song and headed home after tht ! Hehs. =D So fun luhsss ! But tht resulted in me being fucking tired in school today. ;( Booya ! Hehs

// I know i`ve done smth u cant forgive. Now that you`ve told me you liked me, im at a lost cause i dont know what to do. I said i would change my ways, but are you looking at my changes? If you dont like me anymore, pls tell me cause it hurts when i talk to you and you give me the cold shoulder . I admit i do like you a little but pls tell me wad you`re thinking now so i wont fall deeper. I miss the times when you dote and care for me so much. =)

I want my bed now ! Humpf !

Nitey nite world. Imma sleep like a dead lobsterrr ! ;D teeheehee

2007-04-13T17:28:00.000-07:00

Booya ! Its a friday and im stuck @ home rotting my ass away. Siewhwee has got camp today and crush cant come out @ night. Boo ;( Guess i`ll just hafta stay home and do my f&n coursework den. Arghs.

Im was damn pissed off with Miss.G in sch today. I dont see why she had to keep forcing me to go for math tution. I know my math is damn lousy but no point forcing me to do things i dont like bcos it wont help. And the more im forced, the more i`ll rebel. Anyways, she caught my lip stud and asked me to throw away. I was so fucking pissed i scold her ' fuck lah, nabei cheebye' and walked off. There goes my 7 bucks again! Arghs. Now, i only haf a dumb earstick in my mouth & i hope it wont fall off when im slping tonight. ;D

Oh, i found smth on the web which i think is damn true.

Guys, realise that the gal holding on to you is PERFECT in their own special way.
The way she laughs
The way she sleeps
The way she loves you
The way she tries to please you
ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT, she can always walk away,
getting someone else who can love her more.
for all you know, there is someone out there after her,
but she's rejecting, maybe a more perfect love for her.
There might also be someone out there, who is willing to love her more than you do,
fulfil her every needs and love her as much as she loves you.
UNDERSTAND that she loves you not because
you are good looking
you buy her things
you have got the money
make her parents happy
you have a car.
she loves you for who you are
your every touch
every word you say
and everything you do

GUYS, cherish and appreciate your girl. Don't break her fragile heart.
she is the only one who can love you in that special way. you won't wana regret letting go of that special girl you have. For everything that she has done for you, the least you can do is to give her that unconditional love that she has given to you

So true aint it? Hahs.

;x Imma head to bed now. Im damn sleepy. =D

2007-04-12T21:18:00.000-07:00

Had sports day today. Boring like hell. Cant believe i could fall alseep even with all the cheering & screaming going on. Haha. Went to eat breakfast with my bitches in the morning and we purposly went late for the sports meet. Got caught by the fat bitch, and we had to stay back after the entire event to clear the rubbish. Arghs, made us into bangalas ! Hahs. Went crazy with crush and we took many retarded photos. Shall upload them after im done talking. ;D

After the entire thing, came back home. Crush came to my hse and bathed as we were going out tgt. After dolling up and stuffs, we headed to cineleisure to meet Mr Er.Lang.Shen ! Ate yoshinoya before heading to far east. While walking there, it rained dragons&dinosaurs, rhinos&hippos,cats&dogs, rabbits&mice and bugs&worms ! Haha. Shopped ard before settling down @ BK to slack. Took loads of pictures again and afterwhich, we headed home ;P Boring and tired day but owells, i enjoyed myself with my bitch !

Here are the pictures. ;x Fucking alot.

At the stadium during sports day !

Snap Snap Snap ! We were damn bored. And i know i look horrible w/o make up ;x

Boo! Hahs. And my sch uniform plus shirt was damn big luhs ! Haha. ;x

My messy hair. Chew hse rocks ya momma`s ass. ;D

At my hse preparing to go out

Haha. I know theres a big diff when i put make up and dont. But thats the miracle of making up ! ;)

All the pictures taken @ town

Haha. All the craziness ;D

And lastly, me myself and I ! ;D

Haha. Alrights. Thats all. ;D

Sometimes, i really regret things i do. Lotsa problems, no one to turn to. Hais. 7 days for me to change. Jiayou ! ;x

Alrights, Bye bye. ;x

2007-04-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

No one knows what im going through now. Im not as strong as any one of u think i am. I am a human too. I have feelings and moreover, im a girl. I am as weak as other girls too.

Boy, you dont know what you`re putting me through. Are you enjoying youself without me now? Are u happier now? Cause i know i`m not.

I miss you alot. When will you be back in my embrace again? Just to let you know, i may look as if im moving on, but i`ve got to admit, i still am not able to let go of the fact that we arent tgt anymore.

2007-04-10T13:07:00.000-07:00

Edit Edit !

Booya. Im @ home now cos i cant stand staying in school. Gotta rush and finish my fucking f&n coursework but i doubt i will be able to finish bcos im so fucking tired & sleepy. God bless my bootiful soul luhs !

Me and marcus are not contacting anymore, which is something good i guess? I think my frens are getting pissed with me because whenever i haf a missed call and its a private no, i`ll go crazy and start asking them if its marcus. Like they will know luhs ! Haha. Okay. Actually, im feeling damn sleepy now. Im practically dozing off while typing. Im updating for the sake of updating and thus, im done updating. So sayonara ! =)

2007-04-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

5 words to describe how im feeling now. B-O-R-E-D ! Arghs. I hate days when i stay @ home alone, facing the fucking 4 walls.

Went to jenny`s 18th bday chalet ytd. Fun & more fun ! Stayed over there with hwee & qian zi. 3 of us concussed at 6am after having breakfast at 4am. Hahs. Checked out of the chalet @ 11am and headed home after that. One funny thing tht happened the chalet was tht siewhwee kick a cockroach into the swimming pool. We thought it didnt know how to swim but it swam and swam. It swam until it reached land and guess what? it died. (-____-"") Haha. It was super funny luhs. After seeing what happened to it, me and hwee went ard looking for more cockroaches to kick into the pool but those that we found were all dead. Hehs. I know we are damn jek ark luhs. But it was really damn funny ! Hehs. I enjoyed myself ytd thou i was having my fucking period which isnt even supposed to be here ! Arghs !

On friday, i went to bugis with hwee. Supposedly, we were to find jenny`s bday pressie but we ended up shopping for ourselves. Hahs. After shopping @ bugis, we headed to town to find fangs, qian zi, jenny & emeline. They kept laughing at me bcos i couldnt walk properly with heels. ;( Boohoohoo. It really hurts walking with heels okay ! And i HAD to wear heels bcos i was wearing a dress which was so short and if i wore flats, i would look like a fucking shorty ! =( Hahs.

Anyhoos, here are pictures taken over both days. ;D

Haha. Must zi-lian first before going out luhs ! ;x

Look @ all the craziness ! Hahs

Hahs. Thts normal. We took all this pics infront of bugis village ! =D

Now for chalet pictures. ;D

1. Me & sister
2. Qian Zi &amp;amp; Me
3. Me & Wife. ;D Yay !
4. Rachel & me.

1. Qianzi, Me, Emeline , 2. Hwee & Me !

Im thinking of getting my tongue pierced. Should I or should i not? ;x And i think imma get my nose re-pierced this week. ;D Weeeee !

Okay. im done updating. Sayo ! ;D

Ohh, and i really think its fate tht i hafta to forget marcus bcos my phone is sent in for repair and when it returns, EVERYTHING would be gone. ;x Arghs. Ok. Nvm. Hehs. ;D Bb

2007-03-30T15:57:00.000-07:00

Im drenched ! Just came back home from school not long ago. Gonna head to bugis later bcos hwees wanna buy smth from thr and afterwhich, we`re gonna buy jenny`s bday present. Hurs ! ;D

It was alright in school today, just that i was sleeping almost throughout the day. =D Hehs. Mom was called down to sch today to see ganbound. And afterwhich, ganbound talked to me & asked me many stuffs. She caught my brow stud and asked me to throw it away. >;( $12.90 gone like that ! I threw it into the tall dustbin and heng my stud fell on a newspaper. After her lesson, i went to pick my stud up and the dustbin cover smashed my head ! Hahaha. Disinfected my stud and put it back in. Went for chinese and the lesson finished quite fast bcos i entertained everyone with my ez-link card photo which was taken when i was primary 4-5. Hahs. I was so fugly luhs, fat & neckless. Gosh ! Me and zhu kept eating in class and the 2 girls behind us kept laughing. Damnn funny luhs. Hehs. Headed home alone after school bcos becks wenta eat with beatrice, crush went home early and hwee had to stay back in school for cheerleading ! Boo. I hate being alone __.

Oh, and i`ve made a promise to myself. Im gonna forget marcus. And its for real this time. So pls dont tell /talk to me about him or remind me anything about him. Thank you ! =)

I shall ask mommy how to use the scanner and i`ll scan my ez-link card photo for you pple to see. Surely chio-ka-peng ! =D Lols.

Alrightys, im done updating. Sayonaras ! =)

2007-03-29T19:14:00.000-07:00

Hello world :) ! Im so damn bored now, i feel like going down to get banged down by a car. One life, must try getting banged once. Agree? No? Hahs.

My leg is injured bcos of what i also dont know. All i know is that when i walk, it hurts ! I dont know whats wrong with me nowadays, i think im getting a lil kuku in the head. Sometimes, i feel that i love marcus alot, but yet, sometimes, i feel like i hate him like fuck. And now, i think i like someone else. Hahs. Fuck that luhs ! My life is getting so complicated ! I hate this kinda feeling. Also, im damn down on my luck this few days. Firstly, i got caught by tht stupid bitchy chemistry teacher for using HP in class, and my phone got confiscated. Next, i got caught for my lip & brow studs and afterwhich got sent to the DM. I dont know why, but i broke down infront of my teachers because i was so sleepy & pek chek & i had alot of things kept in my heart. So once i cried, i couldnt stop. Hahs. Thinking back, i feel kinda retarded. Lols. Met hwee in the night and accompanied her to keli`s grand dad`s funeral. Sat there for awhile before heading home. =D Hehs.

Alrights, im feeling so sleepy i dont think i can continue this anymore. I shall go bang the wall and get myself knocked out now. =D Buhbyes !

2007-03-27T19:26:00.000-07:00

My stomach is damnnn pain ! Boo ! It`s so pain until it`s making my heart hurt. Gosh. Anyways, im feeling damn fucked up now. My feelings are so mixed up because im so unsure of everything and i fucking hate this. I am very sure of my answer when my friends ask me if i still like marcus, and my answer would be a straight no. But yet i dont know why everything he do affects me so much. I told him i was attached ; which was a lie, just so tht i wouldnt be the cause of quarrel btwn he & his gf becus his gf thot tht he was 2-timing her with me. Which i think is damn dumb.Anyways, why should i even fucking care if they quarrel or not? Its tht bitch who stole him away from me .Gosh. I cant be so KIND-hearted anymore ehs? Hahs.

I cried in the bus on the way to school today as i thought back about me & him. I seriously was so sure of myself that i had forgotten about him but i guess tht i was just forcing myself to forget him. Arghs, fuck tht ! How am i supposed to move on like this? ;( Boohoohoo. Someone pls drag me out of this shithole. Why is he still holding on to me when he has got his gf? Why does he have to talk about our past when he knows its gonna hurt? Hais.. Fuckk. Im feeling so so exhausted now, so exhausted of having to keep my tears back, so exhausted of having to act infront of my frens. Arghs. Someone pls help me...

i'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else.
i'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself.
i'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart.
i'd rather have the one who holds my heart.. yeah.
i found this one thing is true,that i'm nothing without you.
i know better now...

I guess i miss you boy.

2007-03-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

Fuck. Emo emo day today. Its the 26th of march today, supposedly me & marcus`s 2 years anniversary.. but.. sigh ! I msged him at 12 am last night, telling him tht today would be the start and end of everything, and when i say end, i mean he goes his way, i go my way.

From the day we broke up until now, i was quietly waiting for him @ one side, bt i didnt want him to know i cared about what he was doing. I missed him but i controlled myself by not smsing him or calling him. Soon, he called me, talked bout our past, which made me smile, to know that he still thinks of our sweet past. He told me i was a good girl & whoever tht gets me as his gf would be a really lucky guy. I pondered about this, if he says tht whoever gets to be my bf would be lucky, why didnt he wanna be tht lucky one? He asked me if i was happier now, i said being single has its own happiness and having a BF has its own happiness, and i asked him if he was happy now and he said no. Why no? I really wonder why. I really dont understand why is it that whenever i call him when he`s with his gf, he talks to me like fcuk, but whenever he is at home or w/o her, he would talk to me about our past & make my heart go all soft. Is it because im single now thats why he dont feel how it feels like to see the one you love loving someone else? I know that in the future, if i ever get another guy, he would never be able to replace marcus deep down in my heart. Hais..

Boy, there are times when i look into your eyes, i see the love that we share, i see the joy inside.But i didnt see the feelings you hide and now you`re saying goodbye because your love is done. Im really throughly disappointed in you boy. Really really disappointed.

2007-03-16T00:56:00.000-07:00

Bodoh! So bored. Gonna hit the bed after updating. Went to town with hwee & stacy. Damn dumb. We went all the way there, to eat breadtalk & drink sweet talk ! Hahs. Im so tired now, might be waking up early tmrw to meet up with siewhwee the CHICKEN for breakfast, provided if she rmbs to call me to wake me up! Hahs.

Im gonna close my fucking nose hole and re-pierce it again some time soon. Reason being bcos i cant squeeze the stud thru & now, my nose hurts like fuck. I feel as though i`ve just gotten punched luhs ! haha. And my nose is damn swollen now. Ugly like shit. Lols.

I wanted to change my blogger skin this afternoon. But i got pek chek after doing it for awhile. Wanted to remove our pictures at the side, but got lazy after thinking i had to find other pictures to replace them. Hahs. Anyhoos, the pictures of us in my phone is already deleted. Not that i wanted to delete them but my fucking MMC cocked up so i had to reformat it. Hahs.. I guess god is trying to tell me something? Hahs. Whateverr ! Gonna watch movie with ah xiang tml. Hope i dont malu myself bcos we`re gonna catch a horror movie and pple know that sammie CANT tk horror movies. Hahs. =D Saturday might be heading for a BBQ with siewhwee & co but im not sure if i wanna go, bcos like so extra leh. Hahs. Dont know luhs !

Oh, and just to let whoever that wanna know, im not attached. Im single & loving it. And its not that as though i dun haf marcus, no one else wants me. Up to date, i`ve rejected 4 guys. Hahs. See foo toon cheng ! You duwan me, many pple want me ohkay ! hahaha. Uhkay. feeling abit retarded here but yeah, im single now and doesnt mean i take picture with a guy means im attached to him luhs ! OPEN MINDED PPLE, OPEN MINDED ! Hahs.

Okay, imma sleep now. Shall upload PEETURES another time. ;D

2007-03-14T08:14:00.000-07:00

Im bored. So i decided to update. Slept for 2 hrs this morning and headed to srgn to do the dump CIP. Went to paint walls @ a childcare centre. Supposed to meet hwee but she fell asleep so i went to meet this guy named darius. Talked awhile and i headed home to sleep. Supposed to meet hwee again but i think not meeting alrdy bcos its so late. Anyways, im gonna upload pictures and den i tink imma head to bed.

Me, me & me. Hahs. There`s more den this but i duwan upload bcos i duwan to spoil you pple`s eyes. Hahs. Next time den i will slowly upload agn ! haha

Me while doing my hair treatment. I know i look dumb! lols . Can you see my piercings? Hahs.

First 2 pictures is me & shanny, 2nd pic onwards is me & most beloved <33

Dumbo sister & me. Hahs

Me & Mister Eric. Hahs.

Before when i was happy and after when im not happy anymore. Hahs. I think i look sweeter last time. LOL.

Shag shag face with only 2 hrs of slp and only foundation ! Hahs. =D

2 bitches feeling bored alrdy. =D Hahs.

BYE PEOPLE ! Sammie`s out ! Hahs ;p

2007-03-09T17:58:00.000-08:00

Yayness ! Finally got my lip and brow pierced, thanks to ann na ! Hahs. The lip wasnt as pain as i expected it to be but the brow piercing was painer than i expected it to be. I wonder what my mom will do when she sees me man ! I think imma get into alot of trouble. Lols. Gonna meet siewhwee to do hair treatment later, im spending so much money today. Arghhhs, why cant money come in as easily as spending it uhs? hahs..

School ended @ 11.20 today bcos of meet the parents. Heng mommy isnt free to go. Hahs. Headed to Junction 8 with siewhwee to get studs and afterwhich, we headed to ann na`s place to do our piercing. After piercing, we headed to heartland to buy oral B den we headed home. I hope siewhwee call me soon bcos i wanna leave the hse before mom comes home. Surely kpkb one. Hahs. Alrights, i will update again most probably on tuesday or what bcos im gonna be real busy the next few days. ;D

I dont know why, but i somehow miss him. >.< Danggg it !

Byeee !

2007-03-08T00:42:00.000-08:00

Just got back home about an hour ago. My finger got cut and its damn pain now. Lols. I plastered my finger and now its so difficult to type. Lols ! Anyways, im just here to say... IM GONNA PIERCE MY LIPS AND EYEBROWS TML ! So scared but excited. Pls god, dont give me infection ! Haha. Okay. Bye bye~

2007-03-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

Im back home. Mom has been complaining about me going out at night and coming back late so i decided to come back early today. Hahs. Cant wait for friday luhs ! Gonna ton and i`ve got many many programmes luhs ! Haha. Went to eat my chee cheong fun today, like FINALLY ! Hahs. There`s sch tml and it ends at 4. Thursday ends @ 5.30. Gosh. Sibei siann. Feel like ponning luhs !

Ytd went to plaza again with hwee. Met desmond there and we slacked. Siewhwee kept laughing @ desmond bcos he just pierced his tongue and he couldnt pronounce anything that starts with S. Damn funny luhs ! After that, we went to shop and save to buy sweets and afterwhich we headed to 7-11. Zzz... After standing for awhile, we headed homeeeeeeee and i went to slp. Woke up @ 4+ bcos mom was talking to sisters, looked @ my HP, ten miss calls, one msg. Nine miss calls was from marcus. Dumbo, call me so late @ night when he knows i`ve gt sch. Anyways, he called again today to ask me about what i`ve heard bout his GF. I told him and i just said tht his GF makes me feel tht she is a bitch. That is just in my opinion luhs ! Might be rebonding my hair in the march hols and might be piercing my lips. I dunno luhs, everything is see miss ng siew hwee. haha..Anyways, gonna upload retarded photos ! x)

Ohoh, and i`ve bought a black and hot pink bra @ $9.90 each. Damn wu hua right right? haha.. ;x

Not ready yet luhs ! Dumb siew hwee, lousy photographer! Haha

Much better! Haha

Just compare our skills ! Haha

Take one, take two. Okay, 2 retards. Haha

Me & my dumb sister. Haha Her eye got infection thats why she is in glasses.

Zi lian luhs ! Haha

I LOVE HER ! MY CCF DATE ! =D

2007-03-05T20:08:00.000-08:00

Boo ! Im home. Haha. Its only 11.56am and i left school at 10.40am. Haha. Lied to the teacher that i was sick so now im home. Haha. Im fucking tired plus sleepy luhs ! Gonna hit da bed after this. Ytd went to stacy`s house to bai nian. Her room is fucking nice, haha ! I like it~ After slacking in her hse, we headed to hg plaza to eat. The chee cheong fun is damn power ! Just thinking about it makes my mouth water ! Haha. Gonna get mom to buy it for me later. I swear that i will marry anyone who brings me there everyday to eat it. Haha.. Okay, i sound like a fucking pig. ;x

I realised i`ve changed alot ever since i broke up with marcus. Not in a good way though. I`ve become more guai lan, i went back to my old ways and i dont care about my studies now and im doing my o levels this year. I guess its because i have no one to watch over me or control me thats why im like that. Zzz.. Im one girl who really needs someone to take care of if not i`ll go astray and i`ll xue huai very quickly. I am super money faced now. I dont go for love anymore, i look at the person and see if he has money, car or bike. If he has, i will just fuck care and make friends with tht person which i know its damn dumb ! When i was with marcus, i didnt care about money @ all, i didnt care if marcus had any money or not and i couldnt understand why he always said that money was impt. After breaking up with him, my heart has hardened and i dont want to love anymore. I dont want to love another person like how i loved marcus because im afraid of getting myself hurt again. Arghs ! So confused now. I know im throwing myself down to the pits but yet, i allow myself to fall. When will someone love me more den i love him? Hais.. If only i could be a fuck it and just not care about anything in this whole damned fucked up world! Hahs.

Im going to bed now. I guess its bcos im sleepy thats why im typing this whole load of shit ! Lols.. Alrights. Bye ~ =D

2007-03-04T16:04:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates bcos both my computers were down & i had to wait for my uncle to come over to repair it. Hahs. Anyways, lots to update ! But pictures will be another time bcos im really lazy. Hahs..

On friday, i met siewhwee for dinner @ 11+ pm. We sat a cab to 'GrapeVine' but there wasnt anymore food bcos the kitchen was closed. So we walked all the way to 'Punggol Nasi Lemak' to eat and we ate hell alot. Haha. After eating, we walked all the way to plaza and we kept screaming on our way there. 2 retarded bitches. Haha. After we reached plaze, we met desmond and we walked all the way to sengkang. Supposedly, we were to walk all the way to punggol but we got really tired + urgent halfway thru. Hahs. So we sat down and slacked. Talk cock sing song till about 3+am before sitting a cab back home. Concussed till the next day.

Ytd, met siewhwee for dinner again. We went to plaza to eat. After eating, me and siewhwee decided to go to 'Shop & Save' to walk 2 rounds. We ending up shoping & saving. Thats if you get wad i mean. Hah. After that, we headed to Macdonalds to slack as we still had to wait for stacy. Slacked till 11+ before meeting stacy & desmond. Sat cab all the way to punggol. Wanted to go punggol beach to see things but we didnt know how to walk there and we ended up sitting @ the roadside. Haha. Sat there & talked for awhile and we walked all the way back to Punggol MRT to sit cab. Haha. Me and siewhwee ate again ! Grr.. Supposed to be on a diet luhs ! LOL. Stacy left us and me, siewhwee and desmond walked to hg green bcos desmond wanted to eat. This dumb crazy drunk lady opened the toliet door and banged my head. I only said a 'WAH PIANG EH' and she kept apologising. Haha. retard. And she stank ! ;S We slacked @ Mac till about 5+ am and we sat a cab home. BTH already luhs ! Reached home and used the spoiled keyboard computer for awhile before heading to bed. Might be going over to stacy`s place later to bai nian. Shall see how it goes luhs ! Alrightys, im done updating. Bye bye!

Oh, wait. I heard some things about ................ And i am sure he`ll regret it sooner or later. Oh wells, i dont really give 2 hoots about it bcos as i said, im already moving on. =) Shall upload pictures another time. =D

2007-02-28T09:52:00.000-08:00

Im in school now. And im freezing my butt off. School ends at 4 today. Fucking sian lahh ! There is a chinese test today and i din even study ! Haha. All the best to me. Even common test i also didnt bother to study ! Haha. Gonna run 2.4 for PE later and i hope that the sun wont be hot. =D Hahs.

Anyways, im gonna move on. I checked my feelings again and again, and i`ve realised that i dont love marcus as much as i do in the past. I dont love him anymore. I just like him? Haha. I dunno why but my hatred for him is so much so much and my hatred for him is depleting my love for him. Hahs. Saw his frenster picture with his new girl, i was angry but not sad. Haha. I cant believe his taste luhs ! I tot the girl was some big chiobu but in the end.... haha. Shall not say ! =D My frens says im better looking compared to her ! ;p And they also cant believe he has such *%#&^&^@ taste. Haha. Imma change everything in this template soon. Im very busy this few days, always going out ! So when im free, i`ll change it. =D I deleted every single thing about me & him. Im really gonna move on. Im not gonna stay in this shit hole and remain single for him. Not as if he dont want me den no one else want me. haha. Infact, MANY MANY PPLE WANT ME ! Hahahaha. And and, im not jealous of that girl so dont think i am. Tsk tsk. Actually, come to think of it, I think im enjoying my singlehood now. I can flirt all i want and i get attention and care from more people ! Haha. =D Yeah, imma show the whole world i can be happier w/o him because i am !

Alrights, time to go for chapel ! Sayonaras. I`ll blog again later. But thats if i dont go out. Haha. Byeeee !

2007-02-27T19:31:00.000-08:00

Fucked up ! I accidentally deleted everything i just typed ! Zzz.. Anyways, i just woke up not long ago. I was so fucking tired in school i almost died-ed. Haha. I wanted to come back home after recess today but i just tahan all the way and i cant believe i actually survived ! Haha..I came back by cab from school and plopped onto the bed immediately. Lols.. Slept all the way till now, i am still so tired but i forced myself to wake up if not i`ll not be able to sleep again ltr. Hahs.

It was the 26th ytd and in other words, it was supposed to be me & marcus`s one year eleven month. Hais. Forget it.. I dont wanna think anymore bcos the one getting hurt in the end would only be me. I should just get on with my fucking life and perhaps, if im lucky enough, i`ll get another guy better than marcus. I was supposed to call him ytd , not bcos he told me to but bcos i told him i would to get his answer. I backed out in the end bcos i see no point in getting back in that endless cycle which in the end, i would be the fucking one getting hurt. However, a private number called me and when i answered, tht person kept quiet. I HELLO-ED so many times but that person still kept quiet and eventually cut off the line. I wonder if it was just a person trying to play a cruel prank on me or is it marcus who called but didnt dare to talk? Bcos all i know is that marcus is the only person i know who has a private number. Arghs.. I called marcus but no one answered so i asked crush to call for me. Crush said that marcus sounded like he was sleeping but being his GF for so long, i know that when marcus sleeps, he is as dead as a log. He wont answer calls or even when he does, he`ll be blabbering rubbish which you wont know. Zzz.. So i called back and when marcus answered, i just said this ' Eh, you call me ah?' and he dunno said wad den i said ' okay. nvm. BYE'. At that point of time, i didnt really feel anything, not even a single tinge of heartache. But honestly, i was a lil disappointed it wasnt him. Hahs.

Anyhoos, i went to the funfair AGAIN ytd. Spent $30++ there. I must say i am a really brave girl ! Haha. I sat the 360 degree viking thingy and challenger again and it wasnt so scary as i tot it was. I found out that by relaxing, the rides are actually quite shiok ! Haha. Oh Oh, and the cute cute malay guy took stacy`s number. He is really darn cute but he is not my type bcos he isnt chinese. Siannn ! Haha.. Before going to the funfair, i went ard hougang with crush. We were so bored we went to the arcade to play. haha. Felt so xiao mei mei going there. ;x After playing, we went to look for my contacts and i think imma buy 'Anna Sui' Dolly Perfume. Haha. Ate pontian mee @ hg plaza and i didnt really touch the noodles bcos i was so full after a few mouthfuls. Hah. Went home @ 10+pm. =D Im going to the funfair agn soon ! Haha..

Alrights, Imma stop here now. =D

I love this bitches ! =D
Bye bye !

2007-02-25T20:01:00.000-08:00

Im bored. I`ve been at home the whole day. Waking up so early in the morning, dozing off suddenly and now im awake again. Zzz.. So since my computer has been repaired by my uncle, i`ll upload the pictures taken ytd ! Haha. =D

Haha. Me me and ME ! I just cant stop zi lianing ! LOL.

This is the place we went to. Sahara @ boat quay.

We @ the pub. Look at stacy and her fren, they look like drug addicts ! ;x. Haha

Haha. Friends ! Siew hwee is a retardo but i love her ! Haha. =D

Haha. All the retardedness while walking to Marina Sq. LOL. I look so fugly in all those pictures and i know im FAT ! Haha. And the picture whereby i was sitting on the man, his hand hurt my vagina and it was so fucking pain! Haha. Ok. thats all. Bye bye !

Should I or Should I Not?

2007-02-25T01:54:00.000-08:00

2007-02-24T08:05:00.001-08:00

Siansations! Just reached home not long ago. Damn tired. Zzz.. Anyways, my dumb comp is spoiled, dunno which idiotic sister of mine made it spoil. It was still working in the morning !

Today, i went out in the afternoon and afterwhich i headed to town to meet hwee, xuebs, calista, stacy and one more guy. We shopped ard @ far east and this man sorta winked at me. So &%^I#$@. Haha. Den afterwhich, we headed to boat quay to smoke seesha. And while on the bus, a lion dance troupe van happened to stop beside the bus and these 2 ah bengs did a hand sign which showed they wanted HP number and it was so funny ! Siew Hwee says that i attract alot of guys attention when im out but i think she is the one luhs ! Haha. Den after smoking the seesha and a couple of drinks, we headed to marina sq and while walking there, this indian guy asked me, 'How are you?' Haha. Retardo ! Walked ard marina sq abit before heading home. And my feet is hurting now. I think imma stop here bcos this fucking keyboard is spoiled and its wasting alot of my time!

^It actualoloy types lo6i[ke th6is ! Haha.

Okay, gonna go off now. Shall upload pics another time. =D

2007-02-24T00:46:00.000-08:00

Just here to make a quick update bcos i`m gonna get ready to go out soon. Gonna go to Uncle Ringo`s funfair @ Hg mrt station there. Haha. I know its damn near my house but i still needa prepare what! Haha.

Alrights. Ytd i went to marcus`s house area to drop some stuff off at his house. It was damn funny bcos when i walked down the stairs, marcus`s mom was standing at the door so i stood one level higher so she couldnt see me and i kept laughing and laughing as i talked to crush on the phone After she left, i quickly ran down and dropped the stuff and ZAO ! Haha. Headed to longhouse to eat. Lotsa memories came flooding back as i walked there but i managed to control my tears. Hais.. After eating, i wenta town. Bought a new pair of heels bcos the one i wore made my feet hurt like fuck and i couldnt walk properly. Haha. I had to wear heels bcos i was wearing short pants and if i wore flats, i will look damn short ! Haha. I drew $150 out of my bank acct but i dunno what the fuck i spent on and i am only left with $60. Haha. Anyways, i think im gonna get a new perfume soon. Still deciding which one to get. Any idea? I also wanna buy clinique compact powder ! Rarrr ! Hahaha.

Sian leh. I dont know if i should still call marcus on monday. I sorta know his answer alrdy and i am afraid of getting disappointed and hurt by him once again. It took me a few days to get everything right but yet, i still wanna hold on bcos afterall, we were tgt for so long and i really dont want to see everything going down the drain like this. Arghs.. Wad to do? Im afraid that if he disappoints me, i`ll fall right back down to the bottom again. I dont want to be crying anymore, i dont want to have the heavy heart feeling bcos it sucks.Grrrr... Why must god give us girls this 'emo hormones'? Guys dont seem to have it ! Haha.

Oh, and i suddenly remember something, i spent $6 on arcade games. Haha. Okay, now at least i know where my money went. Imma go get ready now ! Bye people ! =)

Okay. Bye! Sammie`s out ! =)

UPDATE: Hi, im back from the funfair. Its so fucking fun but its so freaking scary ! Haha. Sat this ride called 'Challenger', Gosh ! My heart flew to my mouth, and i had so many so many butterflies in my stomach. The scary-ness is really undescribable man ! When i came off the ride, my legs became jelly and i was so so dizzy i felt like puking ! Haha. But still fun luhs ! Den me and hwee went to sit a mini rollar coaster. We were like retards, kept screaming when it isnt even scary ! Haha.. afterwhich, we sat another ride, i forgotten what its called but it made my ass damn pain. At tht ride, this cute malay guy said to me ' gen wo zuo' so i said ok but i sat one seat away frm him and asked hwee to sit beside him. Haha. Den he asked for our names and when we left, he said bye to us. Really very cute sia he ! haha. I know i sound damn flirt now but wadeverrrr bcos i know imma get disappointed on monday ! Grrr.. If i do, imma go back to the funfair to look for tht cute malay guy ! Haha. But seriously, i really still love marcus. Just tht it aint as much as before. Hais.. Sian lah ! Imma go lie on the bed now bcos im still so fucking dizzy i feel like imma fall off the chair. Haha. Bye pple !

2007-02-21T15:44:00.000-08:00

Grr~ Im falling sick. I cried in school today, i dont know why but so many thoughts just came rushing to me and i couldnt control my tears. Hais. I told marcus i`ll call him on the 26th, to get an answer from him. An answer of whether he is happier without me, an answer of whether he still loves me. If its a no den i guess im gonna give up alrdy. I mean its not that i dont love him or my feelings are fading, its just that i dun wanna be the only one clinging on to a dying r/s. Even if his answer is gonna disappoint me, theres nothing i can do right? I might just wait silently at the side and wait till he has had enough fun or wait till he realises im the girl tht loves him the most. It might not take sucha short time before he realises and i guess he might only realise it after he has gotten another girl. Tsk. Being single sucks ! ;x. I`ve got no life and even if i haf the money, i`ve got nowhere to spend on. Zzz

I really hope i wont be disappointed on monday but i guess its very super likely that imma get disappointed. Hais.. I really wonder what haf possessed my beloved boy ! The boy who says that he needs me alot and loves me alot.. Hais.. Crap ! I guess if i get disappointed on monday, if i ever fall into another r/s, it`ll never be about LOVE anymore. Hais.. Marcus boy~ I really miss and love you so. When will you ever realise it? ;x

And i end school at 1PM tml, friday and monday. Yayness to the maximum ! But still, sammie is not happy =( Sayos!

2007-02-20T13:21:00.000-08:00

Im up ! Zzz. Went to my friend`s house to gamble ytd and im fucking lucky bcos i won over $40 in just a few rds of black jack and i was the banker. Hahs. The previous day @ my uncle`s house i also kept winning & winning.. guess im uber lucky now. I came back home at 3+ am and slept at 4am and now im up. Dont know why i cant sleep much nowadays. ;x

About marcus, all i have to say is that im super disappointed in everything he has for me. His love, care and everything. All i wanted from him ytd was his concern, asking me not to go out so late in the night, and he said smth like ' Its your fren, you wanna go den go lor' so i just went lor ! I really dont understand wtf is going thru his mind now, will he really be happy if i go with another guy? He is so fucking fickle-minded, he doesnt know who he wants. I guess he just wants the best of both worlds. I am already letting go of everything he has done to hurt me and have stooped down just to ask him back but yet he isnt touched. Should i just walk away and show him that he will haf nothing else to fall back on if im not there or should i stand there and tell him i`ll always be catching him when he falls? Its not like i do not know any guys now, in fact, i know alot of guys now but yet, none of them can make me happy and wad i am talking to them about the whole day is all about marcus. I really hope and pray to god that someday, marcus will come to realise that im the one who really loves him the most bcos im sure that NO ONE else will love marcus as much as i do. Even at this point of time, how badly he is treating me, so many pple are asking me to let go, but i just dont want to bcos i believe that marcus still has feelings for me. I dont want to believe and i choose not to believe that he doesnt love me anymore. I dont mind restarting everything again, i dont mind making him fall in love with me again but i cant bcos he refuses to meet me, he refuses to talk to me. I dont see why he doesnt want to, its not like im the one doing anything wrong. I really wonder why guys can never be satisfied with one good gf.. Am i really not good enough? Hais.. the 26th is coming and if we were still tgt, it would be our one year 11 mth anniversary. Hais.. Fuck that.

你将我的心打结, 丢在人挤人的街. 那一幕你捧着她的脸, 却希望那是我的幻觉. 我还不愿相信是爱情的终结...

不否认我心里不能平衡, 不否认我对你失去的不只信任, 还有容忍,不速之客爱着伤我的人.

不否认我心里不能平衡,不否认我对你还有一点的心疼,你不爱了,我却无法把你当敌人..

I might be going out ltr. Sayos!

2007-02-19T21:07:00.000-08:00

Okay. I`ve managed to calm down and recompose my feelings. Sorry for all the rubbish i`ve said just now but i really had to let it out before i go bonkers.

My heart is really deeply wounded, wounded to an extent whereby i dont want to let anyone in. I know that the fastest way for me to forget is to get another better guy but i dont want to end up hurting another person. I may show that im happy & alright on the outer surface, but no one will ever know what im going thru inside. Every single little thing he does, hurts me deeply and every single word he says are like little knives stabbing my heart. Someone tell me whats the meaning of true love? Why must all good things come to an end? Arent they suppose to last? I try very hard to show that im happy but yet the sadness comes through unknowingly. I`ve told marcus before, if he wants me to give up & forget him, he`ll have to tell me that he totally have no more feelings for me but i`ve yet to hear it. I`ve got many qns to ask him, but im afriad to ask, afraid that the answers would be answers i do not want to hear. I have tried many a times to stop thinking about him but yet, every single thing reminds me of him. The pig & other soft toys he gave me are still lying on my bed, i havent got the courage to chuck them aside bcos i have a feeling that someday, when he has had enough fun, he`ll come back. The msges he sent when we were tgt are also still in my inbox, yet to be deleted. I really miss our past. Hais..

Marcus, just wanna let you know that every single thing we`ve done tgt in the past, i`ll treasure them and they`ll be etched in my heart. I love you despite all the hurts you`ve caused and i hope that someday, you`ll come to realise how much i really love you.

Anyways, enough of all this. I will upload pictures i took the past few days and im off to idle my life away.

Okay. This is all. Look happy on the outside, sad on the inside. ;x. Hais. Dont mind the fats you see. hahs

Me & My sisters.

Im not used to the freedom i have now.

2007-02-19T02:49:00.000-08:00

Im bored. Fucking bored. I should have known that marcus will say he cant make it in the end. So much for being happy & excited.. _|_. Grr.. I wanna hate him, i wanna forget him, but no matter how hard i try, i really cant. I dont understand how he can do it so easily. Teach me will ya marcus? By knowing more guys? I doubt so.

Till today, marcus is still under 'Wo de baobei laogong' in my MSN list and i dont wish to take him out. Damn it. I really feel like crying now. Why cant he ever ever understand what he is putting me thru? NB! Is this a test god is putting us thru? Hais.. I read all our past msgs and i really miss all the old times. He said he will never leave me? hahs. FUCK THAT OK ! Im fucking degrading myself bcos of him. I really dont mind doing anything, giving him anything, just as long as it pleases him. I dont fucking understand why is it that we`re over but yet every fucking thing he does hurts me so fucking badly? I fucking miss him like shit and what about him? happily enjoying his life now.

Ytd when he called me, i practically flew to heaven and i was smiling so so widely. Why is it that he say that we can be friends but yet he doesnt have the fucking face to fucking see me? Why is it so fucking hard just to get my fucking jacket back bcos i dont want him to let the fucking bitch wear it? Why is it so fucking hard just to pass him smth ? The thing i bought for him may be fucking cheap but at least it has my sincerity. FUCK EVERYTHING ! I have NEVER been really happy since he fucking left me. The marcus i know didnt like to see me crying or hurt, but why is it that now he can happily inflict pains on me over & over again ? Sorry is all he can say, but can a fucking sorry take my fucking pain away? You told my crush that i can forget everything in 2-3 days, is that what you really think of my love for you? I told you many fucking times, my fucking love for you is more den how much you fucking love me, its just tht i dont fucking show it to you ! If you say you fucking love me more, why did you fucking do this to me? WHY WHY WHY WHY? Arghh ! Why is it that you say you dont love me anymore but yet you always wanna know who im out with, how i get to know him yada yada yada. WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE? Fuck it.

Sorry for all this fuck but i suddenly had an emotional burst which caused me to cry and i just need a space to let everything out. BYE BYE

2007-02-18T05:25:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! Im rich. I`ve got freaking $700+. Haha. But i`ve got no where to spend it (-___-") Clothes are all the same now, i`ve got no more bf to pamper and all so...i got nowhere to spend my money on. LOL.

Ytd i got drunk, drank baileys and half a shot of something tht taste like listrine. After that shot, i KO-ED. Haha. Supposed to go dragonfly with my sisters but i bth alrdy so i cabbed home. I unknowingly msged marcus some rubbish and i only realised it this morning when i checked my sent items. I almost fainted. Hahs. Guess what i said? I told him i got a fucking BF. _|_ Neh ! Not gonna find another BF so quickly. I havent even healed from my first fucking heartache ! ;x

Anyways, i got fucking alot of pictures to upload but im lazy. I think imma close this blog soon since its gonna be useless bcos marcus doesnt even read it. Haha. Okay. Shall shut it down one day when im free. =)

2007-02-17T13:43:00.000-08:00

Hi people. Im awake again and im gonna start ranting on & on about how much i miss marcus. Afterall, after my brk up with him, i dont really have anyone else to turn to becos he was the one who always listens to my problems and comforts me. Hais. So if you pple are lazy to read all the fucking things i`ve wrote, you`ve got 2 options. 1. Close your eyes, 2. Move your fucking mouse to the right hand corner of the screen and click the 'x'.

I was reading this horoscope thingy and i read about my horoscope and his. Somehow, it is quite true. Lemme show you what it says..

TAURUS: The Tramp
Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare to find! Loves being in long
relationships.=] Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely
outgoing. Sexy as ........ Loves to help people in times of need.
Outstanding kisser. Very funny. Awesome personality. Stubborn. Sexual as
........Most caring person you will ever meet! One of a kind. Not one to #### with. Are the most sexiest people on earth!

GEMINI:. Does Twosomes
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed. Lover not
a fighter, but will still knock you the #### out. Trustworthy. Always
happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a
beautiful smile.. Generous. Strong. ULTRA SEXY. THE MOST IRRESISTABLE.

All those in bold is what is true about me and what i think is true about him. Im a taurus and he`s a gemini. Im really stubborn as in that i know he have hurt me repeatedly but yet, i still wanna hold on, i still wanna give him yet another chance. All i need to know from him is that he is sorry and i`ll be okay with it and put the past behind me. I am not letting go bcos i like to give a good fight for what i want. Im not letting him go so easily. I really dont understand why he would choose someone else over me. Hais.. For marcus, i`ve bolded the 'Does twosome' words is not because he literally does it but its bcos he can NEVER stay loyal to a single r/s. He`ll need 2 ! He is always happy bcos after all has happened, he can still get on with his life and he still looks happy to me. He is irresistable bcos his sweet mouth and looks will attract all the girls like how honey attracts bees. Hais..

I know that life will still go on w/o him, night will still turn to day and day will turn to night but no one will know how lifeless i am now w/o marcus in my life. When he came into my life, he brought colours into my dull life, now that he has left, he took all the colours out and left me all alone in my black & white life. Hais. Seriously, i wonder if he has already forgotten our love, forgotten me? I wonder if he`ll ever regret breaking off with me in the future? I wonder if one fine day, if i bang into him on the streets holding another girl`s hand, what would my reaction be? Or if one fine day, marcus bangs into me on the streets holding another boy`s hand, what would his reaction be? Any answers for me anyone?

My heart is so so frozen now. I dont know why so many guys, knowing tht im single, wanna come and cheat my feelings again. Ever since marcus left me, my heart has frozen. All i feel is just heartaches after heartaches. They never seem to go away. I cant fall in love with another guy so easily, and i really wonder how he can fall in love with another girl so easily? I wonder if he backstabs me infront of his girl now? Argh, fuck it. Im gonna be a fucking heartless bitch now. Im not gonna care if im gonna hurt anyone but thats what im gonna be. I might be piercing my lips soon but i`ll see how it goes. Den maybe after my lips,i`ll pierce my tongue or smth. I am really numb, numb to EVERYTHING !

I shall update again tonight and see how much money ive received. When i was with marcus, money didnt matter to me but now? MY LIFE IS ALL ABOUT MONEY! I`ll do anything to get money, illegal or not. I DONT FUCKING CARE! SAMMIE LOVES MONEY! ANYONE GOT ANY LOBANGS TO GET QUICK AND EASY MONEY? I WANNA GO FOR LASER TREATMENT TO REMOVE MY DAMN DARK EYE RINGS AND BAGS! >;(

Ok. im officially crazy now. Bye bye

2007-02-16T06:54:00.001-08:00

Its a friday and im at home. Hais.. Its been one whole week since me and marcus have parted our ways. If we were still tgt, i`ll be outside with him now and he`ll be at my house later. Hais.. I wonder what he is doing now? Its been 10 days since i`ve last seen him and i really miss him fucking hell loads. I wonder if he misses our past and me like i do?

Oh wells.. i`ve been sleeping since just now when i came back home from school. My sisters actually asked me if i wanna go 'Vivocity' with them to shop but i didnt go bcos they were already all dolled up & i just came back home from school. Besides, vivocity would remind me of marcus ! =( Hais... Life just sucks without him, no amount of guys i know now can ever replace him. Zzz.. Marcus i miss youuuuuuuuuu! >.<

I was eating biscuits just now and guess what i did with them?
Haha. Sigh.. i think no one will ever know how much i miss marcus, how much i yearn for his love, how much i wish for him to turn back and tell me that he love me again. I really dream & wish everyday that one day, he`ll call me and tell me that he is sorry and that he still loves me. HAIS. Forget it. He is having his fun now and i think he doesnt feel for me anymore. My confidence of him coming back to me is also slowly going down... ;(

I know that even if one day, if i ever find a new bf, i`ll just be playing with his feelings. I dont know why but i know that no one, NOT ANYONE will ever replace marcus in my heart. Even if i may show that i love him more, but deep down, i myself will know who is the one i love the most. Marcus may look bad to all of you here but thats bcos i tend to complain alot about his bad points. Hais..

Firstly, when i was 14 years old, i knew marcus thru the game 'gunbound'. We played tgt everyday and even played right till the next day. Somehow, even thou i`ve never seen him before, i liked him and somehow had a feeling that we`ll get tgt one day. We talked on the phone every night and sometimes, he`ll even tell me that he love me and i`ll just tell him to stop being a bitch, but actually, i had already fell in love with him. So just nice, pearlynn (my crush) got tgt with marcus`s brother and they all came to my house on xmas eve. I can rmb tht the first time i saw him, he was in 3/4 pants and a 3/4 sleeve shirt. He looked so so cute. Me and pearlynn den went to hg mall to buy food for the boys and when i came back home, marcus was sleeping on the mini sofa. He was afraid of the 2 dogs my auntie left at my house. Haha. So so cute right?! I went to kick his sofa and he woke up and i went to carry the dog to scare him. Haha.. den after they ate, they left my house. We met agn on new year`s eve and i rmb tht tht stupid boy almost dropped my new HP into the sea (-___-") I also rmb tht we went to macdonalds to eat and he ate Mcwings and drank coke and he also bought a coke for me too. This past few months, marcus was in & out of relationships and i was silently waiting for him. And the next few months, we still went out tgt and i know he loved to pinch my cheeks and i`ll always pinch him back too. I even rmb chasing him and he banged into a banner and fell over. It was so fucking funny lah ! Then one fine day, we went to kbox and tht poor boy was sick, he had to keep drinking and drinking and he finally got drunk and he lied on my lap while i held his cap. His cap has a really very nice & special smell and i like to take his cap from him & smell it. Haha. So when marcus sobbered up, he held my hand and i got a shock but i was flying to the sky alrdy. LOLS. And the dumb waiter had to come in @ tht time. -.- I knew tht he didnt mistake me for another girl bcos after the waiter left, he said to me ' Samantha, give me your hand' and when i did, he held it again. Hais.. We finally got tgt on 26march05, broke up once on the 28th of july, got back tgt again and lasted all the way till now. Hais.. Just as how fate brought us tgt, it tore us apart too. I really dont understand why guys can NEVER sacrifice anything for the one they love, will they really die w/o any girls in their lives? Hais.. Marcus will never know how much he fucking means to me.

Marcus, if you`re reading this, although i may seem okay, sound okay and seem happy to you now, but you dont know how much i really really miss you. I really miss you so much that i feel like crying. I`ve shed every single drop of tear for you and how much more do i need to shed for you, just for you to turn back and tell me you love me again? Do you miss me like i miss you or are you happier with your life now? I`ve got so many qns in my mind but yet i`ve got no answers. I am trying very hard to forget you, but i really cant. I tell myself that i can always find another guy better than you but deep down in my heart, i know tht no once can ever EVER replace you. Why cant you understand my pains of losing you? Dont you feel the pain of losing me too? Dont you miss taking care of me like your precious lil girl? Dont you miss my lil girl tantrums? Dont you? Because i know i do miss every single thing, i even miss you scolding me ! Hais.. Remember this photo of me when i was 14?

Do you miss me now? Hais

Damn it. Im feeling emo. So i guess im gonna stop here now. Fuck my life. __

Sammie Misses Marcus.

2007-02-15T19:36:00.000-08:00

Im bored stiff ! Im all alone at home. Zzz, so lonely ! ;( I really envy my friends and their bf, seeing how sweet crush and her bf was, i almost cried bcos it reminded me of me and marcus. Hais. I miss hugging him and touching his face ( ::"-":: ). Whenever school is over, all of them take out their phones and start calling their BFs, something i used to do too. Now? Hais.. MIAN GONG LIAO!

Anyways, went to Suntec City with a friend ytd. Just friend uh ! He kept asking me out and i rejected many times, but he kept asking & asking so i anything lor. He gave me roses and we watched a movie. We watched 'Ghost Rider' which was so boring i kept dozing off ! Haha. So damn paiseh luhs ! And i guess he was pissed off bcos i kept msging too. LOL. Saw so many couples and i wished deep down in my heart that somehow, my date would be marcus. Zzz. Wishful thinking on my part i guess. Hais, it really sucks to be lonely. And i read this quote somewhere, ' Hold on to what really makes you happy' and i`ve decided to hold on to marcus bcos he is what really makes me happy. I know he might be moving on now and all but i know that somehow, he still loves me, just that he doesnt realise it yet. ;x At least thats what i hope. Haha..

Alrights, im getting kinda tired now so i guess i`ll just upload pictures and im off to take a short nap. =)

Sammie Sammie & Sammie. I was wearing an oversized off shoulder and it kept falling off lah ! Haha The top is super duper baggy but the bottom accentuates the figure. Very comfortable bcos its damn cooling but the holes at the side very big. Once you lift up your arms, everything inside can be seen, so i made sure i was wearing a nice bra. Haha.. No lah, just joking, but really when you lift up the arms, everything inside can see. ;x

Bb- Sammie. I think i look very young in the first pic. haha. but at the same time, i look like i am constipated. LOL.

The flowers and the lil bear connected to it. The flowers are rotting bcos i put it inside my bag and thts also why its so kiam chye. haha. Okay.. thats all!

Bye bye.

Sammie misses Marcus, does Marcus miss Sammie too? ;x

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done

Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside
but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this..

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back...

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away...

I miss you alot boy!

2007-02-13T05:22:00.000-08:00

Boohoohoo! Its really confirmed that marcus & the girl are tgt. Im sad but yet i have no tears for him anymore. I told him i`ve got no feelings for him anymore, but only fools would believe tht. Hahs.. Now, i`m at a lost, dunno if i should look for another guy or just wait for him. I dunno why, but i gotta feeling tht he & tht girl wouldnt last. Not that im being sucha fucker or wad, but i got a feeling tht someday, he`ll come to realise that sammie is the girl that loves him the most.

Firstly, when i asked him why he said we still cld be frens and he dont reply my msges, he said he was lazy, den i asked.. ' So i dont mean anything to you?' den he said i do mean smth to him. I really dont know luhs. I dont know if he still loves me anot. If he does love me and he truly likes the girl, i really pity the girl bcos its so unfair to her, but still, i dnt know if he still loves me. -.-". Dangggg~ Maybe we being friends would be better, but i dont mind if he still wants me back too. Hahs. Sounds so despo eh? Somehow, i also feel that he is lying to me about the girl, everything he says just doesnt sound true. I asked him back for the tortoise i gave him, he said he didnt wanna give it back to me, but i forced him to, so im gonna get it back. It`ll probably end up in the trash. Siann. Fuck lahh. I dont know what is happening now... everything is going so fast. Oh, and i`ve lost 4kg in just 4 days, li hai ba? I think if i go on like this, i can lose many many weight! Tahaha. But my boobs have shrunk, thts oh-so-sad! ;( And im bcuming so chinese ching chong, i dunno why i keep speaking chinese this few days. Hahs.. My friends haf said that i look very qiao cui ( haggard ), is it? Haha. I`m like fucking rich now, bcos i dont eat, i can save so much money plus i stil have $400++ in my little box. One day, i shall deposit it in the 'tee-tee-tee' machine but i dont know how bcos everytime, when i go and tee money out, marcus will be the one telling me which button to press. Haha, im sucha sua guuuuuuu. >.<

I know this saying, that 'time will heal all wounds' but im so hurt right down to the smallest part of me which are my nipples. Haha. I always pretend im okay but actually im not. I actually got many things to confess to marcus, but i keep forgetting what is it. So when he asks me, i only can say one and forget the other one. Lols.. And im talking to this guy on MSN, he says i look 18-19 yrs old, (o.O) HUH! So old.. Sammie likes to look like a lil girl so many pple will wanna take care of her! Haha.. no lahs, i just joking. Anyways, i`ll just take this time to expand my circle of friends bah~ SO ANYONE WANNA BE MY FRIEND PLS CALL 9681****! LOL.

Okay, the screws in my brain is getting a lil loose alrdy. Maybe i`ll go to my sis pub tml and drown my sorrows while all the happy couples out there are celebrating valentine`s day! Teeheehee. Alrights, im gonna stop here now.

Sammie is a strong girl, NAGA RAJA! ;D Bye bye

2007-02-13T00:05:00.000-08:00

Im at my friend`s house now. I just went to pierce my nose, and it wasnt as pain as i expected. Damn it, i miss marcus so much now. hais.. I wonder what he is doing now. Everywhere i go, i see couples and i`ll think of him & me.. when i watch tv, all i see is lovey dovey couples. Hais.. i remembered that on saturday or sunday, i watched a show about how the guy left the girl bcos of another woman with bigger boobs and it was really so so sad, and i cried.

I am really trying very hard not to contact him but i really cant. I miss the nights whereby we`ll talk to each other, the msges he sent and everything. Today, while i was having PE lessons, my friends told me my phone rang and so many thoughts came into my mind, i tot he had called me.. but actually it wasnt. My phone accidentally went to the music player. Hais.. I really wonder if he is happier w/o me now bcos i know i aint happier without him. Im numb to the pain already, but my heart still aches every now and than and i really keep thinking of him every minute, every second. Hais..I really miss him so much. All my friends have got their dates for valentine`s day tmrw and me? I guess i`ll lock myself at home to prevent myself from seeing all those couples out there, it`ll only make me wanna cry. ( ::"-":: ) I also cant help wondering who will marcus`s valentine be, will it be tht girl? Or will he just be spending it with him friends? I rmb that it was just last last week when i asked him whether he was gonna buy a vday pressie for me. I already planned everything properly, from what im gonna buy and how im gonna surprise him. I wanted to buy the adidas watch he had been aiming for so long, i wanted to bake a cake too, but yet all this had to happen now. Hais..

Marcus, if you`re reading this, i really miss you so. Come back to me will you? I dont care if this is gonna happen a third time, fourth time or wad, all i know is that i really need you and im really so lost without you. hais. Even if you dont love me any longer, can you bear to see me in this state? ( T-T ) I love you, i really do.

2007-02-12T23:37:00.000-08:00

Hi, i am here to blog again. This is the only thing i can talk to so thats why i am updating a thousand times a day in hope that marcus will see it. Its really very funny how whenever me and marcus break up and pple will start adding me in my MSN and pple that i`ve never talked to will come talking to me, some asking pervertic qns. Hais.. Im feeling so dizzy now and my vision is blurred. I also dont know why its like that. Maybe is bcos i just woke up or wad. I think my body is gonna spoil soon. My voice is going away, my vision is blurred, my body is aching like fuck, my mouth is infested with ulcers and my nose keeps bleeding not from one nostril but both.

Hais, every now and den, when my phone vibrates, i wish deep down in my heart that it would be marcus. Even this morning when i went to school, i took my HP out, wanting to msg him to tell him that i`ve woken up already but i suddenly remembered we aint tgt anymore. Even after school, i wanted to give him a call and tell him that i`ve finished school but again, i remembered what happened. Hais.. it has already formed this habit in me, a habit i have developed while i was with him. Hais.. I have been msging him since i was 15 years old, and now im gonna be 17 already. Thats how long we were tgt, i cannot believe that he could just break my heart like this. The first time we broke, he still msged me every now and den and asked me to take care and all, but now? Not even a msg of concern. Is he really so heartless to see me like this? I know how he is treating me so harshly now is bcos he wants me to hate him and to forget him, but its useless bcos i believe that he still loves me deep down. I believe in the fact that one day, he will come to see how much i love him. I really dont understand how he can go on like normal while he knows that there is someone out there suffering for him. Hais...

I wonder, if one day, if i get hit by a car and get sent to hospital, how would he react? Would he come to visit me? Would he feel worried. sad? I really dont know. I even saved 2 small pkts of fruit nuggets so i can give it to him should he come back to me. I really duwan the day to come whereby i`ll hafta keep all the toys he gave me aside and delete all our memories. I know that i have changed everything in my friendster, but i really hope that one fine day, i`ll be able to change my status back to married and upload all our photos again. Hais, baby why cant you just see how much i love you?

Marcus,
I`m sorry to tell you that no matter how cruel you treat me, how heartless you seem to be, i`ll still love you all the same. I know that you still love me somehow and i hope you`ll see that one day, something is missing in your life and thats me. I really wonder if you`re having fun now or are you also feeling a tinge of heartache ? I really dont mind how many times you are gonna hurt me, how many times you`ve hurt me or how badly you treat me. All i know is that i want you back.. i really need you so much. Without you, im practically lifeless and my life is going about in circles. I go to school in the morning, come home, nap,watch tv, sleep and this routine will continue again the next day. Somehow, i know its impossible but yet, i keep wishing that you`ll call me on valentine`s day and ask me back to your side. I know how you might be thinking that im so silly, so stubborn to wait for you, but i dont care because all i really need now is your love, care and concerns. No amount of persuading will make me forget you bcos i am really head over heels in love with you. I might have called you a lousy bf and all when we were tgt, but you were one of the sweetest thing that have ever happened to me. Hais.. I love you so much boy, when will you come back to me....?

我多希望你希望你回心转意,
因为我将会把你珍惜.
还有什么话要说
还有多少泪要流
难道你不知道我对你的爱
还有什么话要说
还有多少泪要流
有一天我会让你回心转意~~

如果一切可以再重来,
我将用生命去珍惜他,
如果一切可以再重来,
我将用生命去等待.
我将忘掉那昨天的昨天,用心去爱你直到永远

Sammie Loves Marcus

2007-02-12T16:18:00.000-08:00

Im back at home. Dang it ! I told myself that i aint gonna cry anymore but guess what? I cried when i was waiting for bus @ the bus stop, i cried during assembly and i cried in class. He told me not to ever msg him or call him again, but i couldnt control myself after what i heard. Crush told me that marcus called last night and told her that he was sorry for bringing so much hurts to me, so crush asked him if he broke up with me bcos he didnt wanna hurt me any longer or bcos he truly loved the girl? He said he broke with me bcos he didnt wanna hurt me but said he didnt know if he truly love the girl. Im kinda disappointed i guess. However, im glad he is still concerned for me thou and when crush asked him if we still had any chance of being tgt, he said he dunno. So this means that i still got a lil bit of chance even thou it might just be 1%. Im gonna hang on to this chance! I know he also asked crush to persuade me to forget him, but this kinda thing, i really cannot do. He isnt even aware of how much i love him! Hais.. If he could see, how much pain i am going thru den he`ll know how much i really love him and how much i really need him. Hais. Till now, i really dont understand why he would do this to me. My mouth is infested with ulcers bcos i kept biting my lips when i was crying. Its a bad habit i guess, when i feel pain i my heart or when i feel sad, i`ll just keep biting my lips. And when we were tgt, whenever i bite my lips, he`ll kiss me to prevent me from biting my lips. Hais..

I wonder how i look like now, even my teachers and friends kept asking if i was okay bcos they thot i was sick. My teacher said she was worried bcos i am usually very talkative and now im so so quiet. She even asked me if i was on a diet and not eating & stuffs. And my friends also commented about my eyes. Hais.. Its not i wanna torture myself or what, but i really lost my appetite to eat. Even if i eat, its bcos im forced too. So today, i`ve only drank 3/4 cup of milo bcos my crush forced me to. Hahs. Nvm.. No one cares about me anyways.

So while i was having lessons halfway, mommy called me and asked if i was okay. She told me she loved me and asked me to be strong. Hais..she is really sucha good mother! I love her lots! She even cried when i cried. I guess she has never seen me, the strongest daughter to become like this. Hais. In class today, i wrote a few page long letter to marcus, confessing every single thing i`ve lied to him about and other stuffs but i guess i wont have the chance to give it to him. Besides that, i still have another 2 page letter in my bag waiting to pass to him. Hais... I really miss him so bad. I know i`ll feel numb towards the pain one day but i know one thing for sure is that i`ll still love him and i`ll still hold on to the hope of being tgt with him again.

Call me stubborn, naive or whatever. I really dont mind letting him hurt me again and again if i can have one more chance to be with him. I hope he still loves me now at this point of time and i really hope that one day, when he 'wakes up', he`ll see that im the girl who is truly madly and deeply in love with him. He said i was too good for him, but if i was too good, why didnt he cherish me even more instead of dumping me bcos i was TOO GOOD for him? Hais.. I really dont know. I guess i`d only give up on the day he tells me flat in my face that he totally dont have anymore feelings for me.

Marcus, if you`re reading this, i will wait for you, be it one month, one year... I will wait. And if you are reading this, hear this song by rascal flatts ' What hurts the most'. http://oothuytoo.imeem.com/music/_8zVUJK6/what_hurts_the_most/

我曾经爱过这样一个男人
他说我是世上最美的女人
我为他保留着那一份天真
关上爱别人的门
也是这个被我深爱的男人,
把我变成世上最笨的女人

他说的每句话我都会当真
他说最爱我的唇.

我的要求并不高, 待我像从前一样好
可是有一天,你说了同样的话,把别人拥入怀抱.
你身上有她的香水味是我鼻子犯的罪.
不该嗅到她的美,檫掉一切陪你睡.
你身上有她的香水味;是你赐给的自卑

你要的爱太完美我永远都学不会

I love you marcus.

2007-02-11T04:56:00.000-08:00

Im gonna be stronger after this rain. He has a new girlfriend already, so fast aint it? He just told me he loved me more den her on saturday, bt now? He is hers already. I dont know if he said he loved me more just to console me or wad, but i aint gonna shed a tear for him anymore. Deep down im sad, i know that. I just cannot accept the fact that he has changed, changed so fast tht i cant even react. Marcus, why say you love me when you dont anymore? you are putting me thru so much pain ! Here i am, heart aching and tears rolling but you are out there having fun with your new girl. What do you regard me as? Some toy that you have already played finish with? Put yourself in my shoes and think how you would feel if i were you ! How can you be so heartless? One moment you are telling me you love me, the other moment, you turn your whole back on me and tell another girl you love her? I cant believe you are treating me this way now. I really dont know who you are anymore. My friends keep saying that they cannot believe we aint tgt anymore, I myself also cannot believe it. We were okay on friday morning, why suddenly all this? You really bear to see me like this? Hais.. Im so sure, that even if you come back to me, i`ll gladly accept you back, but now? Im not sure if you would even turn back and tell me you love me again. Why are you so cruel to me? When my period wasnt here, you still didnt mind contacting me, but once it came, you set your mind at ease and go all the way out to another girl, throwing me behind all alone. Why had happened to us? I know that i send you a very harsh msg after i knew about you & her, but you gotta know how much you have hurt me! I dont even mean it and i said it bcos i was so upset, so disappointed. I tot we still had a chance. Hais..I know i gotta face up to reality, i know that someday, i gotta see your photo&hers up in friendser, i know i gotta see you putting that you love her instead of me, but i really cant accept the fact that that girl you care for and love now was actually supposed to be me. I cant accept the fact tht when i see you in the streets holding another girl`s hand, it was actually supposed to be me and not her. Hais.. guess this is really the end.

Love From 26March05`- 9 Febuary 07`. -End of Story-

**This is kinda random but I think im gonna pierce my nose one of this days. Shall see how. I am feeling so much pain that im so numb.. Hais.. I`ve totally lost my apppetite, from friday to now, i`ve only ate so little. Nvm, can take this chance to lose weight and look like a little small girl. Hais.. Nvm. Sammie is a strong girl, she will come out of this a much stronger one. I will edit this blog`s template one day, or i might just delete this whole thing all tgt. See how luhs. One day, when ive got enough courage, i will delete all our memories away from my phone.

Marcus, just so you know, i dont hate you after what you`ve done to me. I still love you as much as i did when we were tgt. I miss you so much but i guess you dont miss me anymore. If i have the chance to be back tgt with you, tell me, i will want you back cos baby i really love you so so much. I am very disappointed with your love for me but its fate if this had to happen. If i had treated you better and cherished you more, this might not have happened. I really hope that the love you have with that girl is just a crush. Im sure baby that if you come back to me, i`ll really treat you good like the old sammie you used to love so much. I talked to my crush just now and she told me, that that time when we quarrelled at PS and you pushed me off the daytona car and i ran away, you called my crush and told her to tell me you really liked me. I was really so touched i was at the verge of crying. Now i know what is meant by one would only how to cherish after he has lost something. I love you. You know my momma bought your favourite fruit nugget? The ones that we always eat. Just looking at the box makes me wanna cry but i know you dont want me to cry so im gonna be a strong girl. When i was in my uncle`s car and we drove past 401, the memory of us walking there late at night flashed in my mind, the backview of you queuing at golden rooster to buy your 'SPLING CKN' also flashed in my mind. You really look so darn cute whe you say 'SPLING CHICKEN' and smile like a lil boy. Hais.. Owells, do remember to take good care of yourself, dont smoke so much, remember to eat your meals and dont get yourself into fights or unnecessary trouble ok? And promise me that no matter what, you will not throw tort tort away. I will keep the necklace you gave me properly and will wait till the day you put it back on for me. Hope that you`ll never forget me as the girl who was once your little girl and little black ants (Hei Se Ma Yi). I will also miss you and i`ll never forget you this cute little purple mouse! ("Dont be irritating purple mouse! Squeak Squeak! ")and i`ll always rmb our conversation the past few days..

Me: Good night dear. Im going to cover myself in soil. Hehe
You: No, cover yourself in ants blanket.
Me: I lie in your sardine can with you?
You: Okay, i got leave space for you, hehe.
Me: Yay! But what if you squash me to death?
You: Dont be irritating ah! Go and sleep ok? Cover youself with ants blanket
Me: Hehe. Okay, good night baby. Love you lots muack bye bye
You: Good night. Love you lots too muack bye bye, Squeak squeak, squeakaroo, squeakanoo!

you remember this conversation? hahs. I am sure gonna miss your squeaking. Hais.. alrights,meanwhile, i will cherish every single memory we shared tgt be it happy or sad times. =) I love you lots boy. Muack. So i guess this is it eh? Hais..Its really hard to say goodbye. Im not gonna cry anymore, im gonna be a strong girl and await your return.

2007-02-10T18:28:00.000-08:00

Hais, the time now is 10:28am am and im up already. I really cant sleep, when i sleep, i always dream aboout our sweet times and when im awake knowing everything is over, i cant help but cry. Why does he have to treat me this way now? He said he`ll call me at 11+ 12+ but yet he didnt. I waited & waited and when i called him, his phone was off. My heart sank.. Who is he now? He isnt the marcus i use to know. The marcus i used to know wouldnt do anything that would hurt me. But why has his heart hardened in such a way that everything he does inflicts deep wounds on my heart? Gosh, i cant take this any longer.

Mommy & Crushiee told me to let go once and for all, but how could i do it so easily? Its a ONE year Ten month r/s. I dont understand why he would choose love that bloomed over a few days to love that lasted for one year ten months. The way we fell in love, everything was so special to me. I read the letter he wrote to me last time when we were tgt, he said that if he lived to 80 years old, he would wanna have a 65years 23725 days 569400 hours 34164000mins and 2049840000 relationship tgt with me. Hais... is that what people call sweet talk? Hais.. My heart feels physically heavy and the worst thing is that i cant bring myself to hate him, the worst thing is that i should have seen this coming but yet i closed not one eye but both so as to see what he wanted me to, the worst thing is that once i know that he wants me back, i`ll go crawling back to him.

I cant believe why his love for me has gone off just in a snap of the finger. He told me he loved me still, but why is he doing all this to put me thru the tortures of hell? I really try so hard to keep my mind busy with other stuff but yet everything i think of is about YOU YOU and YOU. Are you angry with what i`ve told you? if you are, let me tell you that that was a fucking lie. I know that this could cause the r/s btwn us to worsen but this was a gamble i had to take ! I wanted to show you, show you something that i could do and show you that i loved you so much to be able to come back to you, that was the only way i had in mind to show you how much i loved you, and i was hoping that if you thot thru what i said, you would wake up!Why marcus? Why did you have to do this to me time and time again? When that girl walked by, if you had thought about the pains you were gonna cause me, why did you hafta take her number? If you had controlled and she had walked away, would all this be happening now? Hais..

Love hurts. He was the one who taught me what love is called but yet, he was also the one who taught me how love could suck so much bcos it could hurt. I have never seen it coming. Why did it have to happen when i felt that something was wrong? instead of proving me wrong, you proved what i felt was going to happen. You practically pushed me down from heaven all the way to the dumps. That is a hard fall and i`ve told myself, after what happened with joyce, i should harden my heart so if it happened again, i wouldnt fall so hard. But i guess i dropped this pointer off somewhere and now im back to square one. I know crying wouldnt be able to get you back.. but what can i do besides crying? Im here battered with the bruises you caused me but yet you are out there somewhere having fun. Im so tired.. so so tired. Im willing to forgive you and give you another chance but you aint willing to give me another chance. Hais.. As i read back on my posts in the blog, i really cant help but cry. We were so sweet tgt, why did you have to spoil everything? I really miss you so much baby. Why cant you return to my side? Hais..

God, pls grant me my wish of an eternal sleep and take all this pains away from me now. Pls bless marcus with protection and take good care of him wherever he is. Amen.

最爱你的人是我 , 你怎么舍得我难过 ?

2007-02-10T02:04:00.000-08:00

Im feeling so lonely now. My sisters are gonna go to work soon. I wanted to tag along initially but decided not to since i`ve got my period and i didnt wanna be such a bother bcos after their work, when they go clubbing, i wouldnt be able to enter many places and it would be damn troublesome.

Hais, Me and Marcus are friends now and we still contact each other. However, its more of me calling & msging him. I really cant let go. Many friends have told me that he would come back to me bcos the reason he left me could be becos we were tgt for so long, so he sian alrdy, so when the girl came by, than this happened. I dont know. My friend have also told me tht it could be bcos he`s gone astray and doesnt know what he wants thts why he left me to get his feelings straight. Im feeling so lifeless now, i dont smile or laugh like i used to and even if i do, its just a facade to cover up my sadness. I`m a strong girl like my mom says, so when i cry, pple will get worried. Hais.. Its not easy to always smile when my heart is hurting so so badly. This morning, i slept for barely 4 hours before i woke up, thinking of what happened, i cried and i couldnt sleep anymore. I was so so afraid. Afriad that when i close my eyes, i would see things i dont want to see. I walked around the house, stared out of the window watching the cars, went to staircase bcos me & him quarrelled one time and we 'talked' to each other by carving whatever we wanted to say on the wall. Hais.. Mommy comforted me in the morning bcos i was lying on the sofa crying like a mad bitch. Mommy hugged me and all but it was totally useless cos while mommy hugged me, i kept imaginating that it was him. Hais.. I`ve not eaten anything since ytd night and all i`ve eaten today is one ferror rocher. I`ve got no appetite at all. Hais..

He is having a BBQ now. He seems so happy not being tgt with me anymore. He said he will call me ltr to talk but i dont know if he said that just to make me happy. I think that he feels that im very irritating bcos i keep calling him. Im not used to it ! When we were tgt, i would call him every minute every second and now? im really trying very hard to control already. I asked him if he still loved me, he said yes. I asked him if he loved me more or the girl more, he said me. So i asked why did he have to leave me if he loved me more? He kept quiet. Hais.. I wonder how long this would last. I swear im going to break down very soon. He said he wouldnt leave me when we were tgt, he said that he wanted to marry me,make me Mrs Foo, he said tht he was sure that in future, i would be the one breaking up with him.. but what happened? Hais.. I really feel like falling into an eternal deep sleep without having to care about anything. I wished i could fuck care whatever that is happening now, i keep telling myself not to care, but my heart.. Hais.. I cant take it any longer.

Im sure that he if comes back, i would treat him real good. Give him whatever he wants, all i need is him to be back by my side. This is how DESPERATE i am. God ! Baby pls come back to me... i really need you and i really miss you so so badly...Sobs..

Sammie wants you back by her side.

Hais. The smile on my face is gone. Look at my eyes, they look like they`ve shrunk it looks like i`ve only got single eye lids. Hais.. I dont care.. I WANT HIM NOW.
(T-T)

Imagine me without you, i`ll be lost and so confused, i wouldnt last a day ,i`ll be afraid without you there to see me thru...
Girl.In.Tears